I'm me again, except different. It's an odd way to start, but I suppose it makes sense if you actually get to know me. I've been quite thoughtful lately, I think I fear that I'll miss out on something important if I'm not.

Salem. That's where I am. I'm wiser, but not. More overwhelmed, but not. More confused, but not. I've made mistakes, but God taught me one thing when I joined His family...no mistake is permanent. Not until we realize that we ourselves are always making and have always made mistakes...can we really believe that. Pride has to take the backseat in my life, starting now, it's time for forgiveness to take the reigns, permanently.

They say that the past hardens your heart...well, they (whoever they are) are wrong. "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”

My old fears, pains, worries, and heartaches have only made me realize how blessed I really am. Humor is something that I understand now, if used correctly it is a means of healing. And no hope or dream, laugh or love is too childish...too beneath me. You see, I'm the servant of a man who washed feet, who told me that the kingdom's wisdom is not the earth's. Who seeks earthly maturity? Those who want to fit in? Those who want to belong? Well I don't belong, never have :) My home, my heart is elsewhere. I no longer care, I think, if people don't understand me for who I am. Those who need me to be someone else haven't really ever come to care or know me for who I am at all, but I guess that's the way we are sometimes. After all, God always has taken me as I am and I'm finally learning to take myself and others as they are as well, faults and all. Maybe that's really all I ever needed anyway.

I could spend the rest of my life like this, if God willed it. I don't really want to, mind you, but at the same time it feels right. "The sun rises and falls on us all." To use another quote, if we must: "Play with the cards we're dealt." Then I might as well "bluff" my way through the hard parts, and remember that in Him...I've already won.

Faith - You have come. Love - You have come. Trust - Is coming. Pain - Is ever present, but always overcome. Patience - Is being taught. Pride - Is here, but humility is trying to arrive. Friends - Won't give up on us, and we on them. Acceptance - Judgmental attitudes are being replaced with actual people, people like me. Peace - Has been here, and shall stay in my heart. God - I love you and will follow you to the end. If you lead me into Hell itself, I'll follow. I've made my choice, thank you for not giving up on me when this world did.