Gym Thoughts

I'm sitting in the gym of my church, in a small sound booth as Thousand Foot Crutch and the sound of dodgeball fill my head.

I've been thinking about how easy/difficult it can be to keep my composure in different situations and environments.

I guess what I'm saying is this:

What distracts us from God and what helps us focus on Him?

There's a difference in us. Right? We are supposed to be set apart right? I hope we can show that daily.

Switching gears.

Come Saturday, I'm a college graduate. I can't even begin to express the feelings and thoughts that go through my head. So I guess, for the moment, I won't. Though I will say...I'm not who I was when I started college. Lstm, actually I'm not even who I was 3 months ago. I'm not really that sure of anything in my future, but I'm willing to trust Him with everything.

Everything in my life, beauty and shame, laughter and tears, pain and healing...it is part of a bigger picture. A bigger painting. And I'm okay with that :) Cause I've seen the previous masterpieces created by this Artist, and that's all I've needed to see to believe.

He's the only one that won't let me down. He's the only one that won't let you down.

A Boy

It's difficult to type out anything, on here, that I consider personal, unless it's about God (and not myself). However, I think that it's important to own who we've been and who we are...and even who we are becoming.

I was walking at the park today, and while there I started thinking about how different my perspective is from what it was...even as recently as a month back.

My whole life I've spent running from who I was, because I didn't like the "me" that lived in the mirror.

What kind of reflection did I see?

A boy that needed to be affirmed constantly to feel like he was worth anything to anybody.

A boy that could tell a lie about the smallest of things, without hesitating.

A boy that knew that he could not measure up to what was expected of him.

A boy who hated the thoughts that ran through his dark mind.

A boy that thought he was better than everyone else.

A boy that knew that his way of thinking was the only right way.

A boy that was scared of the dark.

A boy that knew he'd always be rejected by the ones he loved.

A boy that knew how to manipulate to get what he wanted.

A boy that knew he would never be physically strong or handsome.

A boy that hurt when others got upset with him.

A boy that was tired of being seen as the spoilsport.

A boy that knew he was too emotional.

A boy that knew he thought too much.

A boy that knew he talked too much.

A boy that was tired of being seen as the goodie-goodie.

A boy that also afraid of not being seen as the goodie-goodie.

A boy that knew that the only way to see things was through extremes.

A boy that knew he was too afraid of letting anyone know his heart.

A boy that knew his desires made him a bad person.

A boy that knew he couldn't take his own medicine.

A boy that was tired of people misunderstanding him.

A boy that knew he always made stupid jokes that people laughed at him.

A boy that knew he was probably being treated with pity or gossip.

A boy that felt like he was missing out, that he was an outcast.

A boy that knew he always over-thought and over-analyzed.

A boy that was tired of finishing last place.

A boy that was tired of trying, when he knew that it didn't matter.

A boy that knew he talked-the-talk, but didn't walk-the-walk.

A boy that didn't understand why people told him he was "queer".

A boy that wanted friends that didn't only talk to him when they needed something.

A boy that wanted to cry, but was told that real men don't.

A boy that wanted to vent, but felt that it just bothered the people who listened.

A boy that seemed so sure of everything, but on the inside was falling apart.

A boy that knew he hurt others by accident, all the time.

A boy that wanted to tell the truth, but was too scared to do so.

A boy that wanted to dream, but dwelled on reality.

A boy that wanted to be forgiven for everything he'd ever done....


The last one happened.

As my life has progressed, many of these have been covered by the blood forever. Many others seem just as prevalent as they did when I first believed or thought them. Some are the lies that Satan fed me. Some are truths that have been washed clean. Regardless, I'm learned to see beauty in Him that came to free me from all of these things and more. I was/am a failure in all the ways that count, but God uses those failures for His glory. In my weakness, He is strong.

My Past can't rule me. My Present can't rule me. My Future can't rule me. Not as long as this boy gives the rulership of this life to his Savior, his Christ, his King.

The 6 Men and the Elephant

"It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind

The First approached the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
"God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a wall!"

The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, "Ho! what have we here
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me 'tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a spear!"

The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up and spake:
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a snake!"

The Fourth reached out an eager hand,
And felt about the knee.
"What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain," quoth he;
" 'Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a tree!"

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: "E'en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a fan!"

The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Than, seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a rope!"

And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!

Moral:
So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has actually seen!"

Guilty

I'm guilty of Infatuation - You're always on my mind.
I'm guilty by Association - In You, my peace I find.
I'm guilty of Forgiving - As You have forgiven me.
I'm guilty of Escaping - It's You who set me free.
I'm guilty of Forgetting - You remind me every day.
I'm guilty of every sin - Yet You've washed all away.


I'm guilty of falling in love with You. I can't fight this feeling within. You've broken me once, You've broken me twice, won't you break me again and again?

I never want to lose sight of the things that You've done to help me see. I'm willing to live, to die, to laugh, to cry, to follow, or to lead...as long as whatever befalls, You'll take my hand and walk with me.

"Jesus, Jesus. The sweetest name I know...."

When I See

A man walked slowly through the streets of Jerusalem, passing by a few vendors and a couple of roman sentries. Eventually, he stopped in front of one of the buildings on the outskirts of the city, climbing up a staircase that lead to the second floor.

He knocked on the door of the upper room with the secret knock. It was immediately opened. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. He was suddenly surrounded by his friends who were all talking at once. It was impossible to understand any of them!

"Thomas! Thomas! What Mary said was true. He is alive!" Shouted James.

"Thomas, we've seen Him!" Shouted the other son of thunder above the commotion.

Thomas, trying to comprehend, waved his hands, "Shhhh! I can't listen to you all at once! Peter, what has happened?"

"Thomas, we saw Jesus. He stood right here in this room with us, he was standing almost exactly where you are! He talked to us."

Thomas frowned, had all of his friends lost their minds? "Peter, all of us have been under a lot of stress. And I know that you haven't slept since Jesus died. You must be imagining things."

Matthew spoke up, "So you're saying that you believe that all of us imagined the same thing at the same time? You sound crazier than we do! He walked right through that locked door."

"He walked right through the locked door?" Thomas asked.

Everyone nodded.

God, they've lost it....

"Well..." Said Thomas said hesitantly. "Maybe it was a spirit."

Peter was still bubbling over with enthusiasm, "Thomas, I know I saw Him! I saw my Master, our Master! For crying out loud, I denied Him three times, something I will never forget...do you think I wouldn't recognize Him???"

Mary spoke up, "Oh, Thomas, if you'd have been here you'd know it was Him."

Thomas shook his head. "Did any of you touch Him? No. Then you can't know whether or not it was just a spirit or something else entirely. Believe what you want. But unless I see the nail marks in His hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into His side, I cannot believe it."

A week later, while Thomas was gathered with the rest of the disciples in the house with the doors locked. Suddenly Jesus came and stood among them and said,"Peace to you!"

Jesus focused His attention on Thomas. "Take your finger and examine My hands. Take your hand and stick it in My side. Don't be unbelieving. Believe."

Thomas fell to his knees. He didn't have to touch the wounds. He knew it was Jesus. He cried out, "My Master! My God!"

Jesus smiled, "So, you believe because you've seen with your own eyes. Good! But better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing."

I will never doubt again my Master, my Lord, My Savior. I just needed to know, I needed to feel your presence. Now I can take on Satan himself...as long as you are with me.

I am with you always. Even to the end of the age.

Later, when the disciples traveled throughout the known world to preach the Gospel, Thomas was chosen to go to India and North Africa. Although he dreaded living among these savage tribes, God strengthened him, and he was able to convert many in these countries.

Around 70 AD, he went to Calamina, India, where the people worshiped an image of the sun. Through the power of God, Thomas destroyed the image and put a stop to their idolatry.

The sun god's priests were furious. They accused him before their king, who sentenced him to be tortured with red-hot metal plates and then thrown into a gleaming furnace.

To the amazement of all, the fire did not hurt Thomas - he was still alive in the midst of the furnace! When the priests saw this, they were so angry, they threw spears and javelins into the furnace at him. One of the spears pierced his side. He fell there dead. But we know that's not the end of this story...there is one more important detail:

He has Overcome the Grave! Where oh death is now thy sting?

“You will never know how much you believe something until it is a matter of life and death.” C.S. Lewis

This Cup

If it's for God's glory, let the attacks keep piercing and coming. But if it's possible, let these doubts, hurts, and trials pass me by.

Darkness has not Overcome

Pain, a bat, a black, bulb-eyed thing, laughed mercilessly as his companion whispered into the human's ears. Meanwhile, the rest of the dark spirits sat back waiting for the right moments to join the fun. They were a motley band of tempters, harassers, and deceivers, with one goal in mind...destruction. Pride was in charge of this human, but had been sent plenty of reinforcements over the years. It helped that as the centuries pass spiritual defenses got weaker and weaker. He smiled as Lies explained why there was no hope to the human. It was amusing to see how the humans reacted to Lies and his words. Often they put up a little resistance, but in the end...his eloquent words and the creative spin that he put on things...often prevailed.

Jared sat on his bed. Pain, confusion, and despair all gripping him. "No, please, not again, no more..." he thought. Just when he'd thought he'd escaped, his old friends were back. He hadn't been this badly hurt in a long time. He played with his knife, wondering if suicide was really as bad as people acted like it was. After all, none of them knew how much pain he was feeling. It couldn't be as bad as his life was right now. He thought about Stephanie. "Why did it have to end the way it did? Why did she have to treat him the way she did? How could she use him the way she did?" As these thoughts passed through his mind, he laughed bitterly...nobody cared for him for who he was...just for what they could get from him. He looked back at his knife.


Leo couldn't break through the darkness in his path. Leo, golden-haired Herald of the Host, was determined, his fiery eyes taking in the entire situation. The demons swirled around Jared, like insects swarming around a light bulb. Holding tightly to his sword he charged towards Jared and his "companions" again, but slammed roughly into the wall of darkness. It was suffocating to him, and once again he had to pull back. He looked back over at Sablo. Sablo, a dark, bearded, massive spirit with thick, powerful arms and a heart as courageous as they come, was looking out towards one of the neighboring houses. Both were dressed in dull white as well, and wore formidable swords at their sides. Leo, sheathing his sword, moved to stand beside his friend. "What are you looking at Sablo?" he asked.

Sablo, turning to face Leo, responding with a voice that conveyed the gravity of Jared's situation, "I'm hoping the Lord sent Michael to get help...as long as the saints aren't praying, we're powerless." Leo nodded in understanding. They could always feel when the saints were praying. Always.


Nicole and her brother Brett were in the middle of watching The Two Towers in the living room. Michael had to act fast, Jared wasn't listening to the Holy Spirit's voice anymore. He could tell that God was doing His part in their hearts, otherwise they're spirits would seem more at rest. Deep down they sensed the problem...but would they act in time? Michael walked over to Nicole and put his hand on her shoulder, "We need you dear one. Please listen to Him." Another minute passed before Nicole acted. She paused the movie and looked over at Brett. "Brett, I can't stop thinking about Jared. He keeps coming to my mind. I don't understand". She said.

Brett, laughing, picked on her, "I didn't realize that Jared was your type." She gave him a look of exasperation, "You know that's not what I meant. I just feel like he's being put on my heart for a reason...." Brett looked at his younger sister...he knew what she meant. He'd felt something strong in himself too, especially when she mentioned that she felt that there was a reason for Jared being on her mind. "Okay, I believe you Nicki, let's pray for him."

As words of thanksgiving left Michael's lips, a demon flew right up to Nicole. "Prayer? That's not what you're supposed to do. Just talk to him tomorrow, maybe he just needs a friend...worry about it tomorrow...." whispered Deception. Michael watched as Nicole started to hesitate, knowing what she was about to say. "No. Not this time!" Michael exclaimed. Revealing himself in glory he flew towards the dark creature with his blade of light drawn. Deception shrieked for help, but none came. As he tried to draw his blood red blade, he was cut down by a power that was far greater than he could even imagine. The power of a Captain of hosts.

Nicole wondered why she had been about to argue with Brett. She knew prayer was effective, it was part of her testimony. Why had she hesitated and doubted it for a moment? As these thoughts ran through her head, she knew it was time to go to God in prayer. She and Brett started to pray, genuinely, for Jared and for God's will to be done. Meanwhile, Michael watched on...ready for any demons that might try to interrupt the saints that he was watching over. No spirits were going to take out prayer cover as long as he had a say in the matter.

Jared had already drawn blood. But not as deep as he'd meant to. He'd truly intended for that cut to end his pain permanently. But he thought he'd heard a voice telling him not to, causing him to hesitate. That wasn't right though, nobody was here. So he grabbed the knife tighter this time. This time he'd do it right....

The prayers were working.

"NOW!" Yelled Sablo. They felt their prayer cover coming, and as their cover came the wall of darkness started to clear, it was time to act. He and Leo charged the demons with a vengeance. It looked as though the sun itself had exploded, as the brilliant comets with wings of fire rushed to Jared's side. They both knew that God had other plans for Jared...now to give Jared a chance to hear that same truth for himself. They were heavily outnumbered, but they could feel the prayers of the saints, they could feel the will of their Lord. They were in full glory, bright and visible, swatting and slashing at the demons that swarmed around them like vile, biting bees. They built a wall around Jared with their blades, still holding off the fierce onslaught.

As the blade started to come down, Jared stopped. He could think, it was if his mind had cleared for a second. And as he realized that something was different he heard it. The voice.

I love you. My light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

That's all it took. He fell to the ground sobbing. "Jesus! I need you!" he cried.

Even as Leo had felt Sablo weakening and saw a swarm of demons trying to get through a small opening...then it happened. "Jesus! I need you!" The demons shrieked, trying to cover their ears at the sound of that name....

Michael came flying through the back, while Leo and Sablo charged from the front. It didn't take long to defeat and push back what was left of the dark forces. The angels rested easier, knowing that God...as always, had come through in the nick of time. Meanwhile Jared started to talk to the one that loved him more than anything. There was a lot to work through, but that was God's specialty after all!


"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5

Regardless of whether or not you realize it, we are in a war. You've been called to fight, as we all have. Don't give up. As C.S Lewis said: "There are two common mistakes that one can make in dealing with demons. The first is in giving them too much emphasis; the other is in not giving them enough."

Realize that they have power. But realize they are powerless against God's strength. Pray for each other and those that are hurting. Pray for the saints. And most importantly...pray for God's will. After all, in the end, that's the only thing that matters.

Power

People have far too much power to hurt us. Though I suppose I would then argue that we give them that power. We can choose to harden ourselves, for our sakes, to them without being cruel. But what if we don't like either option? Where's the "None of the above" option?

What a Week!

I know the last two posts were completely different than my normal posts...but I've been really enjoying trying to think about stories from the Bible in some kind perspective that I might have completely missed otherwise. Regardless, this post is not a story...this is a "shout out" to God, a "Praise" if you would. :)


I've been so blessed by the people that God puts in my life. Between this weekend with my friends from school, my friends from MC and Tuscaloosa spending time with me Friday afternoon, Relay for Life, Habitat for Humanity, and then an awesome Sunday!

He's been putting people on my heart lately, and when I act on that...some of the best type of conversations follow these "Godincidences". Today I had dinner with a someone that I've only been friends with for a short time, but he's a dear friend nonetheless...but he's not a "christian" yet, he still has major issues with God...but he hasn't given up searching for the truth (as he says). And I know, I can see it, that God has incredible plans for him.

Then this evening as I walked out from dinner, I sat with a group of people that I knew. Eventually, as they all walked off, a friend and I stayed behind and talked to a girl that we were barely more than acquaintances with. She shared her entire testimony with us!!! IT WAS AMAZING!!! I don't even have words to describe how it made me feel hearing it! She talked for almost an hour and a half...but it was SO worth it! She told me that she couldn't remember the last time she felt she could share all of her story with somebody, and I'm quite glad she decided to do so with me. :D


Worship has become an almost sacred part of my weeks, a time to sing with all of my heart to God. When I'm drained, praising and thanking God through song always gives me a new burst of strength, and so do my friends.

Yesterday, I got a letter from a friend in the mail that had my name and many motivational comments...all in art form!!!

I got two random calls from friends that just wanted to tell me that they missed me and wanted to meet me sometime soon!!!

Tonight I had a friend encourage me about God's use of me!!!

Have I made it clear yet? I am blessed! I love you guys for caring for me! It's always right when I need encouragement that God sends a friend or loved one to me. I love God for caring for me!

Justice and Mercy

Joshua didn't understand. Why was his sister Kallai refusing to talk anymore? It had started a little over a week ago, and she wouldn't give any explanation, verbal or otherwise, for her incredibly sudden and mysterious decision.

At first, he had feared that perhaps God had made her a mute...but she had nodded when he asked if she was still able to talk. Apparently she was simply too scared or determined to do so.

He watched as she went about her chores, slowly letting the frustration build up inside of him. Finally, after what seemed hours, he could stand it no more. "After all..." he thought, "I've given her a week to explain or work through this nonsense!"

He waited until Kallai had started to put something in the back room...then he took his chance. He let himself fall backwards, as noisily as possible, and pretended to have spasms. Now to close his eyes. His acting skills were one of his best qualities, and he knew that he could get her to talk this way.

Sure enough, he could hear her sharp gasp as the sound of her running brought her to his side. He felt her hand on his shoulder...which only encouraged him to make the spasms seem worse. Now to start the moaning.

He could feel the panic building in his sister. He started to feel guilty...after all she was only thirteen years old...a good five years younger than him. But he'd taken the act this far, he had to see it through. After all, it was for her own good.

And then, it happened. "Josh, please be alright! Jesus, please don't kill him too!!!" She screamed out through a fit of tears.

Joshua couldn't take it anymore. He stopped the act and sat up, which only strengthened the outburst caused by his sister. He put his hands over hers, apologizing. "I'm so sorry Kallai. I'm so sorry, I was just trying to get you to talk...I wasn't thinking. I'm alright, really I am. But please don't blame Jesus for killing people, he doesn't do that."

As it dawned on Kallai what Joshua had done...she stormed out of the house...tears still streaming down her face.

Joshua just bowed his head in shame, and started praying for forgiveness.

Three hours passed before Kallai came back in the house. Joshua looked for signs of anger or hardness, but instead she came right up to him and gave him a hug. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you, but I didn't want to lie. And you were wrong earlier, Jesus does kill people." As she finished speaking she looked down at the floor.

Determined to get to the bottom of his sister's fears and misunderstandings, Joshua spoke up, "I'm glad you don't want to be a liar Kallai, but not speaking to anyone isn't the way to do that. And papa says that Jesus is the Messiah, and a healer that loves people...not one that kills them. Please tell me who is lying to you about him."

Getting very frustrated, Kallai raised her voice, "NOBODY LIED TO ME! I SAW IT HAPPEN, ASK PAPA!!!" She was shaking with fear from the words that she spoke...as if she was about to be killed for saying it. Joshua was quite disturbed now, but decided to leave his sister alone for awhile. He'd wait for their father to get to home from the market. Papa would be able to explain everything to him. So he went outside to watch the roads...hoping that his dad wouldn't take too long.

It was almost dark when Ezra got home, but not so dark that he didn't see Joshua running out to meet him. As he lowered his bags to embrace his son he felt that something was amiss. Sighing inwardly, fearing the worst, Ezra asked his son, "What's on your mind my son?"

Without skipping a beat, Joshua replied, "Remember how we haven't been able to get Kallai to talk...I got her to do it today...but all she said is that Jesus kills people. Then she said to ask you about it. I think she's going crazy!"

Ezra stood petrified in his place. He now knew exactly what had been bothering Kallai...it was the same thing that he'd been struggling with for a week himself. How stupid could he be to not realize that's what was wrong with Kallai?

"Son, I didn't tell you that much about our visit with Peter and the apostles at Solomon's Colonnade did I?"

"No father, just that there was no doubt in your mind that the apostles were truly who they claimed to be, and that the words they spoke were true as well." Said Joshua.

"There's something I left out because I needed time to understand it. But, in my foolishness and fear, I completely forgot that Kallai had witnessed the event as well."


He could recall the entire scene as if it was a part of the scriptures. Who knew, perhaps one day one of the apostles or scribes would record it for the church....


While the believers had been in a time of fellowship, a man entered named Ananias who, with his wife, Sapphira, sold some property. He brought part of the money to the apostles, claiming it was the full amount. With his wife’s consent, he kept the rest.

Then Peter said, “Ananias, why have you let Satan fill your heart? You lied to the Holy Spirit, and you kept some of the money for yourself. The property was yours to sell or not sell, as you wished. And after selling it, the money was also yours to give away. How could you do a thing like this? You weren’t lying to us but to God!”

As soon as Ananias heard these words, he fell to the floor and died. Everyone who heard about it was terrified. Then some of the young men got up, wrapped him in a sheet, and took him out and buried him.

About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter asked her, “Was this the price you and your husband received for your land?”

“Yes,” she replied, “that was the price.”

And Peter said, “How could the two of you even think of conspiring to test the Spirit of the Lord like this? The young men who buried your husband are just outside the door, and they will carry you out, too.”

Instantly, she fell to the floor and died. When the young men came in and saw that she was dead, they carried her out and buried her beside her husband. Great fear gripped the entire church and everyone else who heard what had happened.




After retelling the story to Joshua, Ezra fell silent. He knew that even now Joshua must be struggling with what had been bothering him. If God would kill those with lying hearts, even those that seemed in other ways to be faithful...then why hadn't he been killed where he stood as well? He waited until Joshua finally walked back inside of the house, then Ezra decided to take it up to the Lord in prayer.



"You know why I'm scared Lord. I can't remember the last time I made it through a day without telling some sort of lie or another. I can't even remember when it started. The worst part is I had some part of myself convinced that is wasn't truly wrong...after all, I would use it to make what you've done in my life seem even more incredible. I would use my skill with words to prevent fights, to protect secrets, to try to make things better. However, as time has gone on I find that each lie built on the next lie. Sometimes I feel that all I know how to do is to lie. And yet, how can I serve you...the creator of Truth, even if my heart is passionate and loving...if I let the Father of lies lead me astray? Why Ananias and Sapphira? I'm far worse than they were. I haven't even offered you land or money...I honestly just don't understand anything that happened...what if I wer...."

Ezra

Ezra could hear the inner voice of Truth calling out to him.

"I'm here Lord."

"I'm not the Lord Ezra, but I do serve Him...." Said Peter chuckling.

Ezra turned quickly at the sound of Peter's voice. Sure enough, the apostle was walking down the path towards him. Already within speaking distance.

"Brother Peter! It's truly a pleasure to see you, but what are you doing here? And into the evening at that?

You know why he's here Ezra.

Ezra tried to shake the voice from his head. He knew that if Peter realized what kind of man he was...that he too, just like Ananias and Sapphira, would fall to the ground...dead.

"Christ sent me to you my brother. He came to me last night in a vision and told me that I was to ask you to repeat your question. That's all I know. That's all I needed to know."

Sweat poured down Ezra's brow. His first instinct had been to lie, again. To simply explain that he had no idea what Peter was talking about. Or perhaps ask a completely different question, yes that wou..."

A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will not go free.

Realizing that He couldn't escape God's calling, Ezra closed his eyes, knowing that this was the end, and poured out his fears, confessions, and his inner heart to the apostle.

When Ezra finished he opened his eyes and looked at Peter. "This is it. Is this what Ananias felt?" He thought.

However, Peter, instead of pronouncing his death sentence, simply gazed at him with what appeared to be a look of complete understanding and compassion. Then he spoke as only one with true authority could speak.

"The sin of Ananias and Sapphira was, that they were ambitious of being thought of as eminent disciples, when they were not true disciples at all. Hypocrites may deny themselves, may forego their worldly advantage in one instance, with a prospect of finding their account in something else. They were covetous of the wealth of the world, and distrustful of God and his providence. They thought they might serve both God and their sinful desires.

They thought to deceive the apostles of Christ. And regardless of what Satan might have suggested, he could not have filled the hearts of Ananias and Sapphira with this wickedness had they not also been consenting. Their falsehood was an attempt to deceive the Spirit of truth, who so manifestly spoke and acted through us, His apostles. The crime of Ananias was not his retaining part of the price of the land; he might have kept it all, had he pleased; but his endeavoring to impose upon us with an awful lie, from a desire to make a vain show, joined with covetousness. But when we think we can cheat God, we end up fatally cheating our own souls instead.

It saddens me to see those whose relationship should lead one another to that which is good, hardening one another in that which is evil!

And this punishment which was an act of judgment upon the two of them...it appears to also have been an act of mercy to many others, including yourself. You've shared how this, God's act, caused you to start strictly examining yourself. You've been honest in prayer, and you've started to dread your own hypocrisy, covetousness, and vain-glory. Admittedly, right now some of those wise decisions are based on your fear of the Lord, which is wise. But I hope one day that those decisions will come from your love of Him, not from a fear of death. Who knows? Perhaps God will use his judgment to remind many others of this same truth for many years to come....

Perhaps God's act of judgment, which He has every right to make, may even help to prevent the increase of false teachers. Christ is calling us to learn how hateful falsehood is to the God of truth, and not only shun a direct lie, but all advantages from the use of doubtful expressions, and double meaning in our speech. So you see, you do deserve death...as we all have and do. But just as God showed his justice upon Ananias, Sapphira and even upon His own son, our Lord, Jesus...He has chosen to show His Mercy upon you and me. You don't have to live a slave to your sin any longer! You've been made new brother Ezra. You've been forgiven."


Ezra started to understand, but felt that there was still something that he needed to get out in the open...a thought, a question, that still plagued him. Deciding that he'd already gotten this far, he spoke again, "Please don't misunderstand me brother Peter, you've helped me to understand something that was weighing heavily upon me. However I must ask, why didn't God show both of them that Mercy as well?"

Peter shook his head. "It's not for us to know why God does what He does Ezra. But I will say this: We don't know what lifestyle Ananias and Sapphira were living, how many chances God gave to them, whether or not they would ever have learned from their mistakes, or even what lead them to do what they did in the first place. What we do know is that God is just and God is merciful. Don't question His decisions. When you feel like doing that remember what Job learned in that same process. That's all we need to know. Trust Him, Live for Him, Die for Him. But above all, learn to love Him with all that you are."

Ezra started to feel at peace. Peter had known exactly what he had needed to hear. Or perhaps it wasn't Peter that had known....

He looked towards the heavens for a few minutes silently asking God, asked Christ, why he was being given this chance after all of the mistakes he'd made. Regardless, he was truly grateful and found himself thanking God with a sincere and repentant heart. And as he turned to thank the apostle, Peter, for coming to share with him, he realized that Peter was nowhere to be seen...leaving just as suddenly as he'd arrived. How could he explain this to his two children now, how could he make them understand? Then he heard the inner voice again.

My ways are not your ways, My thoughts are not your thoughts.

For I so loved the world that I gave My one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

He'd been given another chance. This time he'd get it right. "I think I get it Lord, you can use me despite myself...not because of myself. Praise be to you Lord, praise be to Jesus!"

He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Not death...Life.

"Stephen, miss Emunah doesn't have anymore food left...you have to do something."

Stephen responded with patience, "Mireya, I won't forget a single widow. You know that I won't forsake my responsibilities and beliefs. I've already sent our son to her with a basket full of food."

Mireya smiled broadly. "I love you very much Stephen."

"And I you my love."

Her smile faded as she thought about the news he'd shared with her the night before. "Stephen, why did you argue with the teachers at the Synagogue? You know that they hate you for it."

Choosing his words carefully, Stephen replied, "My love, do you remember when I healed Ilse? Do you remember the time that I spoke to Roman guard in his own language? Do you remember all the miracles that Timon and I performed in Cilicia?"

"Of course I do! I couldn't believe my eyes...."

"Then you also remember why I was able to do those things. Or should I say...you remember 'who' helped me to do those things. I can't standby as members of the Freedmen lead others from the 'Way'. Peter himself laid hands on me when I was chosen. He prayed that day that my faith would lead others to our Messiah...he prayed that I would not deny the Christ as he had once done. He shared so much about our lord Jesus with me, Mireya. I have to be faithful, no matter what the cost. You know that."

He watched as tears started falling from her face.

He was about to walk to her side and comfort her, but then she spoke, "Why can't I have faith like yours? Why is it so difficult...after everything I've seen...after everything I've heard..."

"Hush Mir. You do have faith like mine, you just don't know it yet. When time comes you'll be an even greater witness to the lost than I've ever been." He walked over and gently rested her tear streamed face on his shoulder. Then he prayed over her, and with her...singing hymns until finally he knew she'd fallen asleep in her exhaustion. Though it was barely morning, he knew she hadn't been sleeping well lately.

"I haven't told her yet Lord, though I think she knows."

There was no response.

"The brothers tell me that tomorrow the Freedman plan to have me brought before the Sanhedrin. Why Lord? I've been faithful. I haven't blasphemed against Moses...and I could never blaspheme against you. What if they find me guilty? What about Mireya? This isn't the life that I planned for us. Levi told us that you said that you'd be with me always..."

I have been with you always.

"Then why doesn't it seem like you're..."

Almost as clear and audible as if the voice was in the room with him, he heard the words of a prayer prayed not so long ago, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

"That's what you prayed in the garden wasn't it? I think I remember the brothers sharing that as well. But surely, I'm not able to stand before them and declare your truth lord. You know my innermost being...you see the fears and doubts that I've lived with."

I was the sacrifice Stephen. Trust Me. No matter what follows...Trust Me.

"I do Lord. But what if..."

In the midst of his conversation, a banging on the door began.

Stephen hastened to the door in order to prevent the banging from waking Mireya from her sleep. As he opened it, he realized that a crowd of elders, religious leaders, and zealots were filling up the street. The Pharisee, standing closest to him, spoke, "Stephen of Aron, you have been accused of blasphemy against the Lord Most High, and those who serve Him. You will come with us to stand trial before the Sanhedrin."

Before Stephen could respond he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder. He turned to face the a girl, a woman, that shone with beauty and warmth, his wife. He started to speak, "I have to. If I don't then..." She put her finger up to his lips, and as tears once again filled her eyes, and said, "Hush Stephen. I understand, I just don't know it yet." He felt his heart breaking and overflowing at the same time with his love for her. "Mir, whatever happens, I'll see you soon. He is the Way." Her eyes shone and she gave him a brave smile, "I know. I love you."

He was barely able to kiss her sweet face before he was dragged out into the street. He was treated quite rough and then suddenly felt something hit the back of his head as he blacked out.

After coming to, Stephen was brought before the Jewish Council, the Sanhedrin.


Stephen listened as lying witnesses spoke of his blaspheming against the temple and against Moses. Misunderstanding, misquoting and even fabricating all that they could to seal his fate.


"Jesus, I need your strength right now. If you don't fill me with your presence...I know that I won't be what you're asking me to be."

Give me full control Stephen, as you've done before.

"Will you save me Lord?"

I already have my love. I already have.

It was in that moment that the Council, the crowd, and all that he gazed upon were now visible in a light that he'd never even imagined before this moment. He didn't understand why all faces were upon him at this same moment, as if they could see the same light and radiance that he could, but he knew now exactly what God wanted him to say. The Truth would set them free.


Realizing that the high priest had just asked him if the accusations were true, he let the Spirit lead him.

“Brothers and fathers, listen to me. Our glorious God appeared to our ancestor Abraham in Mesopotamia before he settled in Haran. God told him, ‘Leave your native land and your relatives, and come into the land that I will show you.’ So Abraham left the land of the Chaldeans and lived in Haran until his father died. Then God brought him here to the land where you now live.

“But God gave him no inheritance here, not even one square foot of land. God did promise, however, that eventually the whole land would belong to Abraham and his descendants—even though he had no children yet. God also told him that his descendants would live in a foreign land, where they would be oppressed as slaves for 400 years. ‘But I will punish the nation that enslaves them,’ God said, ‘and in the end they will come out and worship me here in this place.’

“God also gave Abraham the covenant of circumcision at that time. So when Abraham became the father of Isaac, he circumcised him on the eighth day. And the practice was continued when Isaac became the father of Jacob, and when Jacob became the father of the twelve patriarchs of the Israelite nation.

“These patriarchs were jealous of their brother Joseph, and they sold him to be a slave in Egypt. But God was with him and rescued him from all his troubles. And God gave him favor before Pharaoh, king of Egypt. God also gave Joseph unusual wisdom, so that Pharaoh appointed him governor over all of Egypt and put him in charge of the palace.

“But a famine came upon Egypt and Canaan. There was great misery, and our ancestors ran out of food. Jacob heard that there was still grain in Egypt, so he sent his sons—our ancestors—to buy some. The second time they went, Joseph revealed his identity to his brothers, and they were introduced to Pharaoh. Then Joseph sent for his father, Jacob, and all his relatives to come to Egypt, seventy-five persons in all. So Jacob went to Egypt. He died there, as did our ancestors. Their bodies were taken to Shechem and buried in the tomb Abraham had bought for a certain price from Hamor’s sons in Shechem.

“As the time drew near when God would fulfill his promise to Abraham, the number of our people in Egypt greatly increased. But then a new king came to the throne of Egypt who knew nothing about Joseph. This king exploited our people and oppressed them, forcing parents to abandon their newborn babies so they would die.

“At that time Moses was born—a beautiful child in God’s eyes. His parents cared for him at home for three months. When they had to abandon him, Pharaoh’s daughter adopted him and raised him as her own son. Moses was taught all the wisdom of the Egyptians, and he was powerful in both speech and action.

“One day when Moses was forty years old, he decided to visit his relatives, the people of Israel. He saw an Egyptian mistreating an Israelite. So Moses came to the man’s defense and avenged him, killing the Egyptian. Moses assumed his fellow Israelites would realize that God had sent him to rescue them, but they didn’t.

“The next day he visited them again and saw two men of Israel fighting. He tried to be a peacemaker. ‘Men,’ he said, ‘you are brothers. Why are you fighting each other?’

“But the man in the wrong pushed Moses aside. ‘Who made you a ruler and judge over us?’ he asked. ‘Are you going to kill me as you killed that Egyptian yesterday?’ When Moses heard that, he fled the country and lived as a foreigner in the land of Midian. There his two sons were born.

“Forty years later, in the desert near Mount Sinai, an angel appeared to Moses in the flame of a burning bush. When Moses saw it, he was amazed at the sight. As he went to take a closer look, the voice of the Lord called out to him, ‘I am the God of your ancestors—the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.’ Moses shook with terror and did not dare to look.

“Then the Lord said to him, ‘Take off your sandals, for you are standing on holy ground. I have certainly seen the oppression of my people in Egypt. I have heard their groans and have come down to rescue them. Now go, for I am sending you back to Egypt.'

“So God sent back the same man his people had previously rejected when they demanded, ‘Who made you a ruler and judge over us?’ Through the angel who appeared to him in the burning bush, God sent Moses to be their ruler and savior. And by means of many wonders and miraculous signs, he led them out of Egypt, through the Red Sea, and through the wilderness for forty years.

“Moses himself told the people of Israel, ‘God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from among your own people.’ Moses was with our ancestors, the assembly of God’s people in the wilderness, when the angel spoke to him at Mount Sinai. And there Moses received life-giving words to pass on to us.

“But our ancestors refused to listen to Moses. They rejected him and wanted to return to Egypt. They told Aaron, ‘Make us some gods who can lead us, for we don’t know what has become of this Moses, who brought us out of Egypt.’ So they made an idol shaped like a calf, and they sacrificed to it and celebrated over this thing they had made. Then God turned away from them and abandoned them to serve the stars of heaven as their gods! In the book of the prophets it is written,

‘Was it to me you were bringing sacrifices and offerings
during those forty years in the wilderness, Israel?
No, you carried your pagan gods—
the shrine of Molech,
the star of your god Rephan,
and the images you made to worship them.
So I will send you into exile
as far away as Babylon.’

“Our ancestors carried the Tabernacle with them through the wilderness. It was constructed according to the plan God had shown to Moses. Years later, when Joshua led our ancestors in battle against the nations that God drove out of this land, the Tabernacle was taken with them into their new territory. And it stayed there until the time of King David.

“David found favor with God and asked for the privilege of building a permanent Temple for the God of Jacob. But it was Solomon who actually built it. However, the Most High doesn’t live in temples made by human hands. As the prophet says,

‘Heaven is my throne,
and the earth is my footstool.
Could you build me a temple as good as that?’
asks the Lord.
‘Could you build me such a resting place?
Didn’t my hands make both heaven and earth?’

“You stubborn people! You are heathens at heart and deaf to the truth. Must you forever resist the Holy Spirit? That’s what your ancestors did, and so do you! Name one prophet your ancestors didn’t persecute! They even killed the ones who predicted the coming of the Righteous One—the Messiah whom you betrayed and murdered. You deliberately disobeyed God’s law, even though you received it from the hands of angels.”

The Jewish leaders were infuriated by Stephen’s accusation, and they shook their fists at him in rage. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed steadily into heaven and saw the glory of God, and he saw Jesus standing in the place of honor at God’s right hand. He knew what he had to tell them, for he was looking right at it, “Look, I see the heavens opened and the Son of Man standing in the place of honor at God’s right hand!”

Then they put their hands over their ears and began shouting. They rushed at him and dragged him out of the city, grabbing their stones. His accusers took off their coats and laid them at the feet of a young man named Saul.

"Lord, they don't understand. They didn't believe."

You've planted my seed in their hearts Stephen, that's all I asked you to do, I'll do the rest.

"Is this the end Lord?"

No beloved, this is the beginning. It's time to come home my love. It's time to come home.

He saw the crowd raising the stones, but through their hate he saw something deeper in their hearts. They were just like him, they just needed to meet his savior. Now he understood why Jesus, why God Himself, could and did forgive those that crucified Him. Because they were loved, lost, but loved. He realized that he loved them too.

"I understand now Lord. I'm ready my King. I'm ready."

And as they stoned him, he prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” He fell to his knees, shouting, “Lord, forgive them for they don't know what they do!” And with those words, he died.

Not death beloved...life.

"I Came for the Sick"

The next time you want to explain why God can't use you because of who you are or what you're doing...think it through very carefully...after all:


Noah was a drunk...

Abraham was too old...

Isaac was a daydreamer...

Jacob was a liar...

Leah was ugly...

Thomas doubted...

Joseph was prideful and abused...

Moses was a terrible speaker...

Gideon was afraid...

Sampson had long hair, and was a womanizer...

Rahab was a prostitute...

Jeremiah and Timothy were too young...

David had an affair and was a murderer...

Elijah was suicidal...

Isaiah preached naked...

Johan ran from God...

Naomi was a widow...

Job went bankrupt and questioned God...

John the Baptist ate bugs...

Peter denied Christ...

John was exiled by the government...

The Disciples fell asleep while praying...

Martha worried about everything...

Mary Magdalene was demon possessed...

The Samaritan Woman was divorced...more than once...

Zaccheus was too small...

Paul was too religious and filled with hatred...

Timothy had an ulcer...

...and

Lazarus was dead!!!

God is God, we are not. No matter where you are in your walk with God...He's beside you, reminding you that you are covered by His sacrifice. Now can we live like it?

Be a Good One

"Whatever you are, be a good one." - Abraham Lincoln

I had this quote pop into my head a moment ago. I think it's especially fitting to those of us who seek to further the kingdom of God.

It's the way we live that tells others that we believe what we preach.

Better yet, let's let our lives be our witness.

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." - Shakespeare

A Fight to the Finish

I hesitated in posting this tonight, since I know that tomorrow morning I'll be much better off. However, I'm trying to learn that showing my weaknesses isn't always wrong or weak in itself.


"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places."

Sometimes I wish the forces of darkness would take a break. I'm weary and worn from the things that are being thrown. I don't understand spiritual warfare tactics, but I believe in it. And tonight I feel like they're cutting through defenses left and right.

However, God is God. Good or bad I will take what is given to me. And I do believe this only a temporary struggle..."If God is for us, who can be against us?"

I'm praying, but I'm asking for some spiritual support to get me through this darkness that's found its way to my struggling heart tonight.

"Hold me Jesus
Cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been king of my glory
Will you be my prince of peace?"

Beauty - A Heart at Rest

A few weeks back I wrote out a challenge to men, including myself. Reminding us who God has called us to be. Reminding us who we truly are, and how we are to treat each other...but equally if not more so...how we are to treat His daughters.

It's to God's daughters, my sisters, I now write.

Over the last few days I've had more than one of my dear sisters express their feelings of their beauty and self-worth. It's weighed on my heart, and God has taught me to trust such weight. I don't believe in coincidence, I believe in God.

Therefore, after prayer, rereading of parts of the book Captivating, a careful look through scripture, and a search through quotes and papers. I've decided to take on the daunting challenge of challenging those that can confuse me the most...women ;)

Here's my promise to you. This won't be short, but it will be to the point. I won't lie to you, and I'll tell you up front that I don't necessarily know what I'm talking about in matters of your hearts...but I do want to protect them, with all that I am. So I ask that you let God use what words He has given me, and discard that which is of me. May you see the truth and love of God in your own heart...if yours is one of the hearts that God has put upon my own.






"The essence of a woman is Beauty." - Captivating


“You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
You have stolen my heart
With one glance of your eyes,
With one jewel of your necklace…
You are a garden fountain,
A well of flowing water
Streaming down from Lebanon.” (Song 4:9,15)

“The king is enthralled by your beauty.” (Psalm 45:11)


You were created because God knew that something wasn’t quite right without you. In other words, God knew that you were needed, wanted, important.

“It’s not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)


Somewhere, deep down perhaps, you feel that statement to be true. However, It can be your curse if you don’t understand it correctly…it can lead you to believing that you have failed.

But please hear me out my dear sister: Beauty is the essence that dwells in every woman. It was given to you by God. It was given to you. Can I make the word "given" any more clear? The God of creation is beautiful, just by looking around you can see this truth. And God created you as a reflection of His beauty...yes, you.

"Beauty is powerful. Beauty speaks. Beauty invites. Beauty nourishes. Beauty comforts. Beauty inspires. Beauty is transcendent. Beauty draws us to God." - From Captivating



Beauty is the most essential and, yes, the most misunderstood of all the feminine qualities. I want you to hear me clearly...beauty is an essence every woman carries from the moment of her creation. The only things standing in the way of your beauty are your doubts, fears, and Satan...and perhaps any hiding and striving you fall into as a result.

When I knew that this was something that God was leading me to write, I didn't just seek books and verses. I sought two of my close friends (one guy and one girl) to help me see perspectives that I knew I might miss otherwise.

It was the latter of the two that shared the insight about Satan standing in the way of many girls that desire to know that they are truly beautiful. Perhaps you see that statement as a "duh" moment, but I want to share more of her explanation.

Satan is jealous of you. You heard me, he is very, very jealous. Why? Simple, because even Lucifer, the fallen angel, in all of his splendor...sees you for what you truly are...gorgeous. So how does the father of lies respond to his jealousy. He tries to strip your beauty from you...but he can't. Which means he goes for the next best thing...he convinces you of your own inadequacies.

Think about your image of physical beauty for a moment. I'd be willing to bet that it's the same image this world (with her pictures, movies, and "models") has in her mind as well. Let me be blunt, this world is not telling the truth...it turned from truth a long, long, long time ago....


“Beauty flow from a heart at rest.” - Captivating


That's why many of my guy friends and I don't find some of the "younger and more physically 'attractive' women to be as attractive as we're 'supposed' to."

Instead the beauty in those like our grandmothers, mothers, and sisters seems much more genuine. More attractive. For a man that is truly seeking after God...these are the beauties that he sees in the girl that he falls in love with. Not a girl that knows how to pull us in, but a girl that knows how to pull us out. :)

What's the difference in their beauty? Simple. Rest. A heart at rest.

Usually your beauty shines when you don’t even realize it, when you aren’t trying to make it come. The times that my guy friends and I have noticed the true beauty in each girl that we know, each girl that we care about, is when she allows her defenses to come down for a moment. Someone cares about your heart, wants to know you for who you are. That when your beauty emerges as if from behind a veil.

So the choice you have before you is to not try and conjure up beauty, but to let your defenses down. It’s painful and may go against all that you've known or tried…but to choose to set aside your normal means of survival and just let your heart show up...I believe, that's where you let your beauty shine more than ever.


“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." (1 Peter 3:3-4)


First, Peter is not saying that you shouldn’t enjoy wearing pretty things. What he’s trying to say is that true beauty comes from the inner part of you. Your heart. A heart at rest. To have a gentle and quiet spirit is to have a heart of faith, a heart that trusts in God, a spirit that has been quieted by his love and filled with his peace. Not a heart striving and restless.


A woman in her glory, a woman of beauty, is a woman who is not striving to become beautiful or worthy or enough. She knows in her quiet center where God that he finds her beautiful , has deemed her worthy, and in Him, she is enough.

I've only met a small number of girls, of women, in my life that have fit this description. Just as I've known even less of us guys that fit the description of true manhood (including myself). But that's not something to discourage us...simply a reminder that we are still growing into the person that God already sees in us. He already see your beauty.


Remember? The only thing getting in the way of your true beauty and of your radiant, captivating, and sacred heart is the striving in your heart that Satan brings about with his lies.

Satan is already beaten dear one.

“He will quiet you with his love” (Zeph. 3:17)


Some of the most beautiful girls I have ever met showed qualities that God Himself shows us on a daily basis. "They exude a sense of calm, a sense of rest, and invite those around them to rest as well. They speak comfort; knowing that we live in a world at war, that we have a vicious enemy, and our journey is through a broken world. But they also know that because of God all is well, that all will be well."
- Captivating

“A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be and the room to become.”


In the presence of a Lady of grace, we can release the tension and pressure that so often grip our hearts. We can also breathe in the truth that God loves us and He is good.


That is why you must keep asking. Ask Jesus to show you your beauty. Ask Him what He thinks of you as a woman. His words to you rest and unveil your beauty. Much like the Christian slave girl, Hadassah, in the Mark of the Lion trilogy. (Read it!) She is an embodiment of true beauty, not physically...because that doesn't matter. And never will. Outward Beauty fades. True Beauty, real beauty...it never does.

I mentioned earlier that often times the key to showing an inner beauty is offering your heart. I don’t want you to misunderstand. I’m talking about coming – unguarded, undistracted – and to be fully present, fully engaged with whoever you are with in that moment. "Have you noticed how in reading the Gospels that people enjoyed being around Jesus? They wanted to be near him – to share a meal, take a walk, have a lingering conversation. It was the gift of his presence. When you were with him, you felt he was offering you his heart. When you, when we, offer our unguarded presence, we live like Jesus. And you invite others to do the same." - Captivating

Trust me, this is one area where I do understand any fears of letting someone in, of letting your guard down for a friend or perhaps even a stranger....

You see, my greatest fear is this,”Do I have what it takes? Will giving each person a chance to see my heart come back to hurt me? Will they reject me? Will they leave me? Will they misunderstand? Will they trust? Will they love?”

And God's answer to my fears is always the same.

It's what I did for you, and yes, it hurt...but it's what freed you. I held nothing back, even when it cost me everything. Can you do the same for me? For them? Feed my sheep.


No man can tell you who you are as a woman.


No man is the verdict on your soul.

Dear sisters how many of you have lost yourself in this search?

Only God can tell you who you are. Only God can speak the answer you need to hear.

That is why romance with God should always come first. Let me repeat that. It comes first. It must. It has to.

Us men are far too unreliable of a source!



Your core validation, your primary validation has to come from God. And until it does, until you look to him for the healing of your soul, your relationships are going to be hurt looking for to others, to people, for something only God can give you.


One of my friends, that I was talking to about this subject, brought up the verse, Genesis 3:16: “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you”.

At the time I wasn't sure how to look at the verse in a light that fit the situation...but I think I might understand it better now.


You see, there is an ache in Eve now that she tries to get Adam to fill. There is an emptiness given to her to drive her back to God, but she takes it to Adam instead. It makes a mess of many good relationships. We, Adam, can't fill your heart, doubts, or pains. Ever.


It's hard for us guys to admit it, but sometimes even when we see your beauty...we can't tell you so. Pride? Fear? Embarrassment? Being misinterpreted? Perhaps all of those and more....

But I'll say it now.

You are beautiful. You are incredibly and wonderfully made. God teaches us to see His beauty in you. And more often than not, even in failure, you remind us that there are things worth fighting for. So if you are in some way, shape, or form, plagued by insecurities, thoughts of not measuring up, belief that you aren't beautiful...stop listening to Satan. That's all there is to it beloved. May your light shine bright, and may the beauty that radiates within be unlocked so that all those outside can see the light as well!

You are God's bride, and what a glorious sight you are to behold! "A heart at rest."

Sweetly Broken

Sometimes I'm afraid I'll make things worse by making bad decisions.

Be at peace, for I am with you.

I know that Lord, it's just that I'm not ready....

I will never give you more than you can handle. Rely on Me.

*sigh* I know that, I'm just...I keep failing...messing up endlessly.

In your weakness, My strength is present. Haven't I always taken care of you my love?

Yes...yes you have. But I always let you down...

Daniel, I'm not dependent on you. It's the other way around.

What happens when someone sees me as I see myself?

Is this about how you look to others or about how I look to others?

Touche. I really do love you, but I'm never sure if the leading in my heart is Your Holy Spirit...or just my own decisions....

Is it done in love? Or is it done for gain? You know the difference.

What if others don't understand why I do what I do?

Don't judge others or you to shall be judged. Don't worry about the hearts, decisions, or choices made by anyone other than yourself Beloved. Just follow Me.

*laughs* I understand...and I'm sorry for always letting doubts come back to mind. Deep down I know that the worries I have aren't justified...it's just that....

Your Human my love. But I am God. My ways, not yours my child.

Deal :)


God is good.


To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

I'm broken. I'm broken for you my Lord.
Jesus, what love is this? I am sweetly broken....

Close My Eyes - Be My Light

Follow the leading of the Spirit. When He puts a person, mission, decision, on your heart and in your head...act. Those who are physically blind know this better than me...learn to trust the leading. After all, God's ways aren't our ways. So perhaps it's time to take a few steps on faith. Now it's time for me to try to do the same.