Indescribable!

He's done it!!!

He's broken my heart, I don't have the power to resist anymore!!!

I'm crying as I type this out, lstm, I'm ridiculous.

Wow, I'm really crying...not just tears...but a flood. And laughing, I like the combination.

*Phone call with a close friend about how amazing this moment is!*

I think that the book Every Young Man's Battle mixed with my realizations of my lifestyle of habit and addictions, combined with the Middle School Disciple Now and my own faults becoming visible there...these are the things that started to open up my eyes.

From that point I've experienced a range of emotions and feelings that came with blessings, trials, experiences, and choices.

Redeeming Love, one of the most beautiful books I've ever read, took me a step closer to the God that I've been trying to show my love to again.

And then tonight it came, all of the emotions that I've been wishing to express...

I want Him in everything, always. He brought me to Him 6 years ago. I've slowly grown more in love with Him as time has passed...but for the first time since I've begged to mean the words of Ruin and Breaking that I knew needed to happen to me...IT'S HAPPENED!!! I am absolutely and indescribably in love for the first time in my life! Giddy doesn't do this feeling justice :D :);) I am so in love! And it's never felt so right to cry.

Wow!

May I Have This Dance?

By: Stephen Hinkle

Beauty is what I see
As you’re standing in front of Me
A reflection of My heart
Crafted for My delight
You were made for glory and light
To display My majesty
This might surprise You
But give Me a chance
The question I’m dying to ask…

May I have this dance?
A divine romance
I’ll take you by the hand
And waltz through eternity
Put your trust in Me
Will you let Me lead?
I’ll sweep you off your feet
If you’ll let Me have this dance

Come here, don’t be afraid
As you draw near only be brave
And surrender to My song
Let go, lose all control
And just give yourself to the
Rhythm of following My touch
I will not hurt you
I’ll do no harm
As I take you into My arms

May I have this dance?
A divine romance
I’ll take you by the hand
And waltz through eternity
Put your trust in Me
Will you let Me lead?
I’ll sweep you off your feet
If you’ll let Me have this dance

Wow... :D

"Seal it for Thy courts above"

I've discovered that God has the habit of changing my perspectives more that I can even begin to explain. I used to subconsciously believe that it took drastic changes in life to change a person...I now believe that though that can be true, it is my more likely to be through choices made.

I'm feeling a change in my heart again, a good one. I've struggled with so many faults, vices, and demons. That's something that won't ever change, until I'm finally home again. However, my perspective on life is different now. A large part of that change comes from seeing God at work in lives of so many people that I care about. He's so active in people, how can we not sense His spirit?

It's no longer, "Why do bad, sad, and frustrating things happen in to me, God?" Instead, it's, "Why do You give me life, forgiveness, and love...thank you for these gifts! And if You take anything or everything from me...wasn't it Yours in the first place, Father?"

I don't think I've ever really known what it's like to fall in love before, I've always kept my innermost feelings and hopes to myself...due to fears.

But it's happened, I'm alive in Him. I think about Him daily, constantly.

Sometimes that makes me feel ashamed, for it's when I think about my lover that I realize how often I don't. When I think about Him, I see all the sins I'm still committing. When I think about Him, I wish desperately that I could hear His physical voice...feel His physical touch. But then I feel peace, just peace. As if He's saying:

Beloved, you are mine, I love you. Will trust me?

With all of my heart Lord, and with the parts that don't...help me give those up to you also.

I've learned the secret to falling in love. You have to desire that the one you love will get what they want or need above what you want or need. That's why it's so hard for us to truly and fully fall in love with God, because we know that what He wants and needs is not what we want or need.

But here's the beautiful part.

It's so much more than anything we can desire or seek. It's life with our heart's deepest desire and longing, Jesus Christ.

Visible

God is so visible in this world.

Just open your eyes.

He's in everything that is beautiful...every act of love, faith, trust, and compassion.

God is the air I breathe.

Salem.

Draw Me Near

I've prayed to die to myself
I've prayed to die to my sins
I've prayed to lose all I want
You've answered once again

I've prayed to live with passion
I've prayed to live with zeal
I've prayed to do what's right
Even if there comes a time when no one else will

I've prayed for strength and truth
I've prayed for pain to reach me
I've prayed for self-control
Finally I think I can see

That you alone can satisfy
You alone are the reason why
You alone are the one that's here
When everyone leaves me, you draw me near
Lover of my heart, please draw me near

All I Want to Do

All I want to do, is give this life to You
All I want to do, is give this life to You
All I want to do, is give this life to You
And let Your will be done, until it's all I want to do.

How does doubt slip in, so silently?
And why does condemnation come so naturally?
Why do I still get the best of me?
Loving so little and living so selfishly?

When all I want to do, is give this life to You.
All I want to do is give this life to You.
All I want to do is give this life to You,
and let Your will be done until it's all I want to do.

What have I been given by Your grace?
Will I come to understand this mystery I embrace?
Make of me a new creation now,
Fill me with all you are and be all I am some how.

Cuz all I want to do is give this life to You.
All I want to do is give this life to You.
All I want to do is give this life to You
And let Your will be done, until it's all I want to do.

Faith so fragile
Reaching for Your hand

All I want to do, is give this life to You.
All I want to do, is give this life to You.
All I want to do, is give this life to You,
and let your will be done, til it's all I want to do.
And let your will be done, til it's all I want to do.

Both, is that allowed???

"For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, "I'm telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you're not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's kingdom. What's more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it's the same as receiving me." Matthew 18:2-5 (The Message)

I love my Middle Schoolers so much! I couldn't even begin to tell you all the reasons. I've been thinking about them more and more often lately. I think I'm starting to realize that God is calling me to work with children, specifically in my career and in my personal time. I'm praying about that, still seeking guidance, but feeling lead nonetheless.

They make me smile, laugh, worry, hope, believe, think, and most of all...live.

For the last few years of my life I've struggled with finding myself...well now I have. I'm a man of two worlds, a boy of two worlds if you would. "Two worlds, one family." It used to hurt, I felt like I couldn't maintain it, that I had to leave one behind...in fact, at the time, I "knew" I had to leave one behind. I believed that I couldn't keep getting attached to people, I couldn't keep giving away pieces of my heart, it was going to hurt me too much...or my heart would never be what it should be.


God has taught me something over the years though. I think Mother Teresa sums it up the best: “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” The more I give away my heart to those I care about, the more I have to give....

I wonder if Jesus thought about that as He passed out the fish and loaves of bread.


In my mind, one of my "worlds" was reality, the other was just "fun"...was just a dream. A dream that must eventually be replaced with my "adult" beliefs, views, and lifestyles. But I've come to realize that that kind of thinking is precisely why so few people truly get to live life the way it was meant to be lived.

No matter what direction my life goes, there are two things I am sure of.

I will love God always, just as He has loved me always.

And I will never live another day of my life in such a way that I'm not truly living at all....

:)

Children have the best sight of all of us...maybe they should be leading us. Not the other way around.

Rain

I love going to sleep to the sound of rain :)

Thank God for Jesus ;)

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
— Mother Teresa

I had a really long conversation with God, a couple of days ago. It ended with me feeling like an idiot, lstm. I had just gotten done talking to a friend about not putting your plans for the future above God's. He had called and shared some thoughts and feelings that were in his head, but as often happens when personal thoughts are shared with us...sometimes they seem to apply to us as well.

The conversation ends well, however...*click*...*God's voice in my heart begins*"Daniel, let's talk about the things that you've got planned...." *sigh* I should have seen that one coming God....

At first, I tried to explain how flexible I am with what I've got planned, but I knew that He wasn't buying it...you don't have to hear God's audible voice to know when you're wrong. Next, I brought up the fact that I'm completely willing to go where He leads...then the conviction started coming. Finally, I stopped and listened...waited. It was hard to do at first, not just because of snoring Middle Schoolers, but as I reflected and sat...I started to get it.

*Laughs* The most "amusing" part was that I found myself pulling an Abraham with God. "I get it God, I might not be any of the jobs that I see myself doing, but could you try to keep it in the same type of range? Okay, if you ever do call me to live like Paul, which I truly hope you don't...I'll do it...but I won't be happy. In fact, why did you make my personality like it is if you.... BUT if you do...can I adopt? If you ever do want me to move, could you not send me somewhere that involves extreme heat? What if instead of...Etc..." I would keep going, but I'm embarrassed even as I type this out.

I'm embarrassed because I was hit hard by a mental image of my savior, spread out upon a cross, nothing like perspective to put someone in their place. And my place is at the feet of the servant savior.

I wasn't that God told me all the things that I hope for "won't" come true. It wasn't that He told me that the opposite would happen instead. He was simply saying, "Just live for me, today. I've got you, let go. Live for me, today. If something's supposed to come, it won't surprise me. Live for me, today. I have plans for you to prosper Daniel. Live for me, today."



"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:25-34


I don't want to live for myself, like I REALLY don't want to live for myself...but it so easy to fall back in to a lifestyle that revolves around me. What bothers me, I'll avoid it. What makes me happy, I'll go to it. Who challenges me, I'll avoid them. Who agrees with me, I'll go to them. I know that not the way I should be thinking, but it's going to be a fight...though I suppose that's often the point.


Your Love is Strong - Jon Foreman


Feel free to keep me accountable my friends, if it bothers me...I'll get over it. Seriously, this isn't about what I want or like...just keep me faithful. As I also keep myself faithful. As I realize and depend on God to keep me faithful more than anything or anyone else. "Thank God for Jesus" - Quote from a widow whose house I sat in during our mission trip, after working and sitting with her...she responded to something with those words...I LOVE IT!!! :)

Only a Fool

How do you explain to someone, whom you love, that you don't care about the things that "should" matter? Better yet, when in the argument, how do you help them to see that their perception of reality doesn't really matter...if Jesus was truly what we Christians believe He was?

I was thinking about these thoughts and more last night. I'd been arguing with my dad again. Not badly, quite civilly, but arguing hurts nonetheless.

I don't care about money, as long as I can function on what I have. I don't care about danger, as long as I'm going where I'm needed. I don't care that everything I do is wrong, I gave that to God a long time ago. I don't care that life throws a curve ball, I'm not focused on life's game.

I honestly stopped caring about those things, is that so insane? It seems like the only logical step to me. In fact, I honestly don't care about the concepts of heaven or hell anymore. You see, I don't love Jesus the way I should...but I love Him so much for what He did for me. If there was truly nothing after death, I'd still live this tiny amount of time for Him. If He was going to burn in hell for eternity, then send me with Him.

Don't we get it? It's not about life or death. It's not about eternity. It's not about being good enough or bad enough.

It's about love. He loved me enough to die for me. I love him enough to live for him.

I'm sorry if that seems insane, ridiculous, or idiotic.

This world means nothing to me, compared to Him. If death awaits, let me greet it with arms high and my face beaming and smiling :)

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, and whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all it's sham drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Living It

"I can't just know it, I have to feel it. I can't just feel it, I have believe it. I can't just believe it, I have to live it."

Starbucks, Jellybeans, Police and a Friend

This blog post is in honor of you, Betsy Brooks, just like I said it would be :)

After you called this afternoon, I found myself reminiscing. And I decided that if I was going to dedicate a post to you, that I wanted to try to do you proper justice.

So...I read back over all of our wall conversations, messages, and went back into my journal to figure out when we first became friends! (Yes, I keep up with things like that!) By the way, it was Feb. 25, 2008 when we went to the Starbucks. I can't believe it's barely been over 2 years, it feels like 5!

Regardless, as I told you earlier, in looking back I realized how much you encouraged me...how little has changed ;) And I was reminded what a Peter Pan fanatic you were! *Smiles broadly*

"All this has happened before, and it will all happen again. But this time it happened in London. It happened on a quiet street in Bloomsbury. That corner house over there is the home of the Darling family. And Peter Pan chose this particular house because there were people here who believed in him."

It sounds like there's hope for you too, if you keep believing...

Speaking of believing, I found a quote that you sent me quite awhile back:

"Faith is the ability to let your light shine even after your fuse is blown. Faith is seeing light with the eyes of your heart when the eyes of your body see only darkness ahead."


I don't think it's a stretch to say that you've shined God's light ever since you chose to follow Him (I'm just going to backtrack based on the "you" that I know), even when you didn't realize it. You've had my back, even when I didn't deserve it. You taught me how to talk to police officers and enjoy grocery stores :D You manage to be independent and dependent at the same time, a talent that few people have. You are determined, focused, and headstrong (In a good way). Yet at the same time you are thoughtful, spontaneous, and considerate. And something even more personal to me...you chose to always see the good in other people, even when it's hard to do so.

I figured that if I was going to challenge you in the blog sharing competition, that I'll do the same...

Confession time:

I realized after we talked that you are the first friend that I can remember that was willing to trust me with personal things, BEFORE we were really close or even really friends for that matter. Which then caused me to realize that since I started confiding in you as well, that I've taken the same approach with people in general. I've gone from being the guy that didn't share my heart with even my closest friends, to be willing to risk trusting people in general...in the hopes that every once-in-awhile someone will live up to that trust, just like you. Believing that even if it's 1 in a 100...I might gain a life-time friend in the process. I bet you never saw that coming ;) I've never regretted trusting you with my secrets or thoughts, instead I've learned to take risks.

That is just one example of how you can influence others without knowing it :)

You aren't just a "family friend", you're also my friend.

You aren't just a teacher, you're also a listening ear.

You aren't just a talker, you're also a doer.

You aren't just a realist, you're also an optimist.

You aren't just a cynic, you're also a romantic.

You aren't just a grown-up, you're also a kid.

You aren't just a smiler, you're also a laugher.

You aren't just a daughter, you're God's daughter.


Thanks for the calls, texts, quotes, advice, friendship...basically...this post is to thank you for being you! Now smile :) Jesus loves you!

Dios te bendiga senorita!

En Christo,

me

Amazing Day = Amazing Quotes

Amazing Day = Amazing Quotes:

Me: "Can anyone tell me what jobs I should look into in Birmingham, besides a church position?" Sam: "Sniping."

2. Heather: "The only thing I didn't get to do today was hit Andrew in the face with a dodgeball...."

3. Audra: "If only Chris had been around today, I wanted to lock him in the cave!"

4. Me: "My hand is in pain." Morgan: "My mom's thumb went numb for 5 years..." *awkward group silence* Me: "......thanks?"

5. *People are talking* Margaret: "I don't think Daniel will...." Me: "You don't think I'll what?" Margaret: "Get married." Me: "Ouch. Admittedly, I do only attract the stalkers, but isn't that a little depressing?" Margaret: "Well, you didn't pass the salt and pepper together..." Me: "So THAT'S why God wants me to live as a bachelor for my whole life!!! It all makes sense now! Maybe I can be a priest or monk..." Morgan: "I don't think you're Catholic enough to be a priest..."

6. Margaret: "YOU HIT THE PAPER!" *In reference to Audra's archery talent*

7. Me: "Do we want Mozzerella Sticks or Buffalo Wings?" Kevin: "Well, I'm lactose intolerant, so you decide..." Sam: "Well I can't have meat." Kevin: "Well I guess we don't count then...we cancel each other out..."

8. Heather: "We should start an MC dodgeball team and beat y'all." Andrew: "Actually, I'd be on that team, so we'd dominate!!!"

It's funny how much of my day is made by the simplest and yet most meaningful of things. It's one of the reasons I love to be random and spontaneous sometimes, because those are the things that touch my heart when others do them for me. :)

Sometimes it's the smile, wave, or hug. Sometimes it's the fact that I get a text to let me know that I'm being thought of. Sometimes it's the voicemail that is goofy or kind. Sometimes it's the random invitation to hangout for no reason, save friendship itself. Sometimes it's the, "I miss you." Or the, "Thinking of you today." Sometimes it's the stranger that smiled or waved to me. Today it was the fact that I had friends that were completely cool with dropping everything to just hangout with me, randomly, I am so blessed!

Sometimes I seem to know everyone. I have many, many acquaintances. I have plenty of connections and contacts. I have a good amount of friends. But those few friends in my life that bring a smile to my face just by spending time with me or reminding me that you're there, you're the ones that I can never repay. Instead, I can only say, "Thank you." <3 I hope that I can be the same way in your lives as well :)

How Can I?

How can I tell others what you mean to me – You’re the only reason that I live, You're the reason that I see.
You are more than the Sun, You're brighter than light – You sent the son, yes, You conquered all of sin’s delight.
You are the wind that blows the dandelions – You’re the one in whom my wishes lie.
You are each drop of rain that falls to earth – You’re the one who controls the sky.

How can I explain everything that you do each day – You’re the one that touches all there is, what else can I say?
You are firmer than even the strongest stone – And no You cannot be moved, for You are god alone.
You are the fire that consumes all in its path – You’re the one that’s consuming us.
You are each blade of grass that grows – You’re the one that teaches me to trust.

How can I express the ways that you move – You’re the only creator with naught to prove.
You are gentler than a mother’s touch – Yes, as a painter, You are gentle with Your brush.
You are my mercy, grace, and my hope – You’re my armor when it’s time for the fight.
You are Judge of the nations, mighty in reign – You’re the one that makes all bad things right.


How can I write about all the things you’ve done – You’re the one who has the victory long since won.
You are more than a feeling, more than all love – After all, those gifts were designed by You, designed by You above.
You are my lover who is faithful and kind – You’re the only constant in a world of strife.
You are the bridegroom that swept me off of my feet – You’re calling me to share Your life.

How can write about anything else but You – You’re the one that gave the priceless gift, an eternity with you.
You are the romance in my life, holy and pure – You woo me with your Spirit, I’ve never been so sure.
You are every beauty that I’ve ever seen – You’re the one that leaves me breathless.
You are every sunrise that comes forth – To leave your presence makes me restless.

How can I sing a song meant to touch your heart – You’re indescribable, that’s just the way you are.
You are my friend, my savior, my king – You are many other words I know, You’re my everything.
You are every second that I have ever know – You’re the one to whom I bow, in You I find my peace.
You are the reason that I live from now until I’m home – You’re my one and only, it’s You, and You alone.

Scared

I realized this morning when I woke up, that I'm scared. I'm not scared of what God's doing in my life, I'm scared because I don't know how to be the person I'm supposed to be. I feel like I'm being trusted with things far too important and special to trust me with. I found myself just wanting out.

I was driving down the Trace the other night. A deer ran across the wet roads, and the car in the other lane veered into my lane. I tried to break, but my breaks locked...I barely dodged the car and went off the side of the road. I was stuck there for about ten minutes, about as shaken up as I've been in awhile. I was scared. I was glad nobody was with me, but all I could think about was the fact that I shouldn't be so scared. I don't fear death, I think. I fear not doing all the things I'm supposed to do. Regardless, after taking some time in prayer, and just sitting for awhile, I realized how good God had been in that situation...in all situations. But it bothered me how easily I feared, when instead I wanted to laugh it off and know that God is in control.

I'm just...I'm still a little kid. Scared of things that shouldn't scare me. Scared because I know that God is ready, but that I'm not. That's why I'm scared. I shouldn't be, I know this, but I am.


Courage is doing what's right
Without being backing down
Courage is facing your fears
Not hiding your face in the ground

Courage is knowing you are afraid
And still staying the course
Courage is knowing you can lose
But refusing to do what's worst

Courage is knowing that God is God
He won't give more that I can bear
Courage is the pain that my fear bring
But knowing that God is always there

Courage is feeling all my pain
Not hiding it all inside
Courage is choosing to embrace my pain
Not accepting worse and pain besides

Courage is not waiting till I'm certain
For certain I shall never be
Courage is acting when it feels right
And praying that God will help me see

Courage is all the times I'm scared
But chose to ignore my fear and move
Courage is all the times I doubt myself
Yet believe in the greater truth

Courage isn't always a roar
Sometimes it's the daily choice I make
Courage isn't what I have
It's what I have to earn and take

Courage is me admitting that I'm lost
And asking for some strength and help
Courage is being scared of where I am
Yet believing God can still grow all that's in my self.

I know that fear is not a bad thing in itself, and I'm not worried that I can't handle the path I'm on. I just needed to get this off my chest, and I haven't really felt like calling anyone and venting would be the way to go about it. So smile with me instead...fears or no...it's full steam ahead!

Tear Down My Walls

I found myself writing this the other day, after listening to some songs that had a similar point to them. It's one of those things that I don't want, but I want at the same time. "The King of Contradictions has struck again, He says that the last to cross the finish line...will win."


After all, is said and done, I find myself in your presence
After all, I can’t become, who you asked me to be
For there are sins in my life from which I can’t break free…..

So tear down my walls, please break all I am, I admit I am scared but I don’t need to stand
Let me feel pain, if that’s what it takes…just tear down my life until I’m on my face…crying out.

After all, my pride isn’t gone, and I know that’s not your way
After all, I’m scared of this prayer, but I know it’s what I must pray
For there are sins in my life from which I can’t break free….

So tear down my walls, please break all I am, I admit I am scared but I don’t need to stand
Let me feel pain, if that’s what it takes…please tear down my life until I’m on my face…crying out.

After all, we both know the key, It’s more of you…and less of me
After all, it’s when I’m undone, that you can remake me just like your son
For there are sins In my life, from which I can’t break free….

So tear down my walls, please break all I am, I admit I am scared but I don’t need to stand
Let me feel pain, if that’s what it takes…just tear down my life until I’m on my face…crying out.

After all, this is my prayer, that all would fade until you are there.
After all, you know my heart, ignore all my fears and please break my heart!

So tear down these walls, this life I have made. Tear down my comfort, this game I have played
So tear down my pride, let it pass away. Yes, tear down my body, please toss it away.
Ignore all the cries while chipping away, ignore all my pleading…I know what it takes….

So tear down my walls, please break all I am, I admit I am scared but I don’t need to stand
Let me feel pain, if that’s what it takes…just tear down my life until I’m on my face…crying out.
Crying out. I’m crying out. Crying out. To you, to you, just you, only you. Only you….

The Word is Alive

Daniel, servant of the living God, has your God, whom you serve continually, been able to rescue you? (Daniel 6:20)

I love this verse. Not just because my name is in it though ;) I love it because it's a question that I want to answer the same way that Daniel did...if my day with the "lions" comes. I want to, have to, need to, chose to believe that I will respond in the same way.

I've found the expression "the living God" many times in the Bible, and yet it is the very thing I am so prone to forget. I know it is written "the living God", but sometimes in my daily life there is almost nothing I lose sight of as often as the fact that He is the living God. I had forgotten for far too long that He is now exactly what He was three or four thousand years ago, that He has the same sovereign power, and that He extends the same gracious love toward those who love and serve Him. I was forgetting that He will do for me now what He did thousands of years ago for others, simply because He is the unchanging , living God. What a great reason to confide in God, and in our darkest moments to never lose sight of the fact that He is still, and always will be, the living God!

So, my answer, is yes! He has been able to rescue me! He will always be able to rescue me. He has never failed me. No matter how difficult my trials, no matter how heavy they were, no matter the pain or need, He has never failed me.

Has your God rescued you?

"I asked Jesus ... "How much do you love me " And Jesus said ... "This much." Then He stretched out His arms and died."

Isn't Our God INCREDIBLE? How can you not fall in love with your rescuer, when He's a rescuer like this?

Hearts

I'm sitting in the church right now, in Matt's office to be more specific. In fact, the title of this post is dedicated to a paper heart that Emily left Matt, it reads: " *heart picture* You Husband! Now and FOREVER *heart picture again*". Two best Middle School Ministers in my life??? OH YEAH!!! I've been thinking a lot about my family here, my church family I mean :) I spent most of my life hating people because I thought they were all hypocrites, especially Christians. Lstm, got to love Damascus road experiences....

Now the people that I condemned are the people I've fallen in love with. Now the only hypocrisy I want to see is my own, I don't want to look outside of myself when there's so much work to be done in here. Now I realize how much it hurts to think about leaving those that I care about. However I know that, if it's God's will, I will be back.

And don't get me wrong, "I have a joy that's unspeakable that won't go away. And just enough strength to live for today. So I'll never have to worry what tomorrow will bring...cause my faith is on solid rock...I'm counting on God!" I don't regret falling in love with you guys, I cherish it! I'm not wishing that I wasn't a little bit afraid of my future, I'm smiling at the thought. I guess what I'm trying to say is this...I know what kind of man I was and am, AND I thank God every single time that He reminds me that my "family" of fellow believers doesn't care! This isn't an ending, it's a beginning. I can't wait to spend time with those that I love in Alabama, just like I can't wait to come back often and visit here. And I can't wait until part two brings me back to you :) That rhymed :D


On a completely side note:

-I've started shooting archery again, every day that I can. I can still hit the target!!!

-Susan, I just read your comment on my Chapter 1 post from a few days back. I wanted to say thank you!


-If you're interested in making an incredible cd (like REALLY Incredible) anytime soon then I'm in the mood to help you out :)




*You love me anyway - Sidewalk Prophets
*The words I would say - Sidewalk Prophets
*More love to thee - Fernando Ortega
*Savior Please - Josh Wilson
*Before the Morning - Josh Wilson
*More Beautiful You - Jonny Diaz
*The Stand (Live) - Hillsong United
*By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North
*Your Love is Strong - Jon Foreman
*Your Hands - JJ Heller
*Heaven is the Face - Steven Curtis Chapman
*You are Holy (Prince of Peace) - Michael W. Smith
*The Lost Get Found - Britt Nicole
*I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack
*Forever Young - Rod Stewart
*I won't Give up - Everyday Sunday
*All Because of Jesus - Fee
*Glory to God - Fee
*Lead Me to the Cross - Hillsong
*Reign in Us - Starfield
*Ruin Me - Jeff Johnson
*What Faith Can Do - Kutless - I would never have realized it was Kutless :)
*On and On - Chasen




Dear miss *you know who you are*, in response to this phone call...yes I'm typing while I listen. (I don't think this is the moment to share this with you, but when you read this later it might be). You know I don't like many country songs, but since you do, listen to Garth Brooks' "The Dance", but then please listen to "Your Hands" which I listed above also. It's okay to feel the way you do, you don't have to fight it, or be ok with it at the moment (Let that come naturally). Let it out, all of it. Tears aren't evil or ridiculous, nor do you apologize to ANYONE for them, I won't hear of it again. And know that if God breaks our hearts, He only has a better time or person in mind. We have to believe that...because honestly...it's true. You know that I'll be here in prayer and as an ear. Some things change over the years, but that won't. *I'll give you a big hug next time I see you!* Pain is temporary, God is not.

Ruin Me

Not since World's Apart has a song put my sins and life into so much perspective. I love it. Thank you Jeff Johnson for hearing my heart. :)


Intro
Woe to me I am unclean
A sinner found in Your presence
I see you seated on Your throne
Exalted, Your Glory surrounds You

Pre-chorus
Now the plans that I have made
Fail to compare when I see your glory

Chorus
Ruin my life the plans I have made
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place
'Till its You alone I live for,
You alone I live for. (repeat)

Bridge
Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty
Holy is the Lord!

Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty
Holy is the Lord!

Repeat chorus

Melodies

I'm in a really instrumental mood tonight. Thankfully I have Jim Brickman's amazing skills at my Itunes disposal.

I've been thinking a lot about God's ability to break me and make me, to hurt me and heal me, and to stop me and start me. I'm so fragile, so...human. And just listening to the sound of my own breathing...knowing that only God knows what happens next or when that last breath will one day come...is soothing.

I'm imperfect. I'm broken. I'm fragile. I'm not in control.

And I'm completely content with all of this, as long as I have Him.

Lord I lift my Friend

Lord I lift my friend to You.
I've done all that I know to do.
I lift my friend, to You.
Complicated circumstances
have clouded his view.
Lord I lift my friend up to You.

I fear that I won't have the words
that he needs to hear.
I pray for Your wisdom , oh God.
And a heart that's sincere.
And Lord I lift my friend up
to You.

Lord I lift my friend to You.
My best friend in the
world, I know he means much
more to You.
I want so much to help him, but
this is something he has to do.
Lord I lift my friend up to You.

There's a way that seems so right to him.
But You know where that leads.
He's becoming a puppet of the world.
Too blind to see the strings.
And Lord I lift my friend up to You.

Lord I lift my friend to You.
I've done all that I know to do.
I lift my friend, to You.

Butterfly Circus

The reason that I've chosen the path that I have....



http://www.thedoorpost.com/hope/film/?film=4dd298f102c77b625cf37a9e7744ac68



Wow.





"If you could only see the beauty that can come from ashes."

"The greater the struggle, the more glorious the triumph."

A King's Knight

I've been writing again, as my blog has probably attested to ;) But I'm also enjoying a little bit of fantasy that fits the time period that God meant to place me in (He was debating between Elizabethan/Victorian, The Romantic era, The days of Arthur, or 238 years from now...so He compromised and here I am!) Anyway I felt like posting chapter one. Chapter two is still a mess though...



Chapter One - A Squire's Lesson


Peter faced his opponent. Peter was 19, less than two years from knighthood. Dark eyebrows rested above his intense brown eyes. His armor was worn from work and travel. A sword with a sapphire hilt was sheathed at his belt, and a buckskin tube protected his birch bow from basic harms. Neither he nor his adversary moved as they waited for the other to strike first. Peter inspected their surroundings for anything that might give him and advantage. They were standing in a lush glade within Areva Forest, it was late afternoon already. But he already knew where he was, what he needed was a distraction. A stick near his feet caught his attention. Peter swooped down, grabbed the stick, and hurled it at the knight facing him. However, the knight easily sidestepped the piece of wood. The knight rushed forward swinging his sword. Peter ducked just as the blade whistled over his head. He growled and tackled the knight ferociously.

They pitched to the ground, each struggling to stay on top. Peter rolled to the side and swept his sword over the ground at his opponent’s shins. The knight parried the blow with the hilt of his sword, and then jumped to his feet. Twisting as he stood, Peter attacked again, guiding his blade through a complex pattern. Sparks danced from their blades as they struck again and again. The knight blocked each blow, his face tight with concentration. But Peter knew that he must be tiring. The relentless hammering continued as each sought an opening in the other’s defenses.

Then Peter felt the battle change. Blow by blow the knight gained the advantage; Peter’s parries slowed and he lost ground. His opponent easily blocked a stab from Peter. Veins pulsed on Peter’s forehead and cords bulged from his neck from the effort. Suddenly, with confidence, the knight swung his blade faster than ever, weaving a web of steel around Peter’s sword. With a burst of speed, his opponent smashed the flat of his blade against Peter’s guard and knocked the sword to the ground. Before Peter could react, the knight flicked his blade up to Peter’s throat. They stood panting, the gleaming sword tip resting on Peter’s collarbone. The knight slowly lowered his arm and backed away. Peter picked up his sword and sheathed it. Still breathing hard, the knight said, “We’re done for today.” “But we just started,” said Peter, quite irritated.

Peter’s adversary laughed. He walked over and proceeded to help Peter up to his feet. Not bothering to keep the frustration out of his voice, peter griped: “Why do I even bother Sir Charles? I’ll never be a true knight like you.” Sir Charles turned and looked Peter over, “You have a lot left to learn if you think that losing a fight is what determines knighthood. Haven’t I trained you better than that my lad?” Peter knew better. He just wasn’t in the mood to say so. However, it didn’t seem he’d have a choice. After all, it seemed Sir Charles was standing patiently awaiting a reply.

Peter quoted almost verbatim what he’d been taught as a squire, “A knight is loyal in both his actions and word, and serves everyone as best he may. He seeks the fellowship of the righteous; and listens to their words and remembers them. He is humble and courteous wherever he goes, not boasting or talking overmuch. It is his solemn duty to see to it that no lady is in reproach through fault of his own, remembering that her life is more valuable than his own, regardless of her lineage or background. If he falls into company where men speak with disrespect of any woman, he shows with grace that he will not be a part of such a crowd and then departs. The office of a knight is to promote faith in our Lord and King and to protect those who seek him and follow his will. Lastly, a knight never falters in the face of defeat, he stands for truth and honor…even if he stands alone.”

Sir Charles nodded gravely, but the sparkle in his eyes told Peter that there was something else that his master wanted him to say. “What have I forgotten my Lord?” He asked. The knight chuckled, “You spoke quite well son, but never forget that the true strength and honor of a knight comes from his belief in the value of even the meekest in our Lord’s kingdom. If we have not love, then we become the same as mere mercenaries. If we have not faith, then our oaths and values are easily broken. If we have not conviction and truth, then we are exactly what many others are coming to see us as already…a legend, not a reality.”

Peter nodded. He started to ask another question, but stopped as his Sir Charles raised his hand signaling silence. He couldn’t hear whatever his master was hearing…until he realized that’s exactly what his master had noticed. The forest glade was no longer filled with the typical noises it typically chorused with. Sweat started to drop down his forehead. He knew that there was little energy left in his body, if the Enemy’s minions were here, he’d be useless in battle. As these thoughts filled his head, he realized that his master seemed as calm as ever. However, before he could try to follow his master’s lead, it happened. Out of the woods walked four of the mostly heavily clad knights he’d ever seen. Their chainmail blinding him as they approached, their ruby hilts reflecting bright crimson, he prepared to fight beside his master. He realized that each bore the marks of veterans, not to mention weapons worthy of much respect. This battle would be over before it had even started. Yet, as these thoughts filled Peter’s head, Sir Charles simply caught Peter’s eyes and shook his head, then turned to the knights and gave them a bow of deep respect. All four knights responded in kind. Peter breathed a sigh of relief. These weren’t the Enemy’s men after all.

As the knights spent hours catching up with each other, Peter realized just how close these men were to each other. He’d gathered from their conversation and introductions that none of them had known each other very long. However, from an outside perspective you would have thought they had been the best of friends all of their lives. He had even ventured to ask Sir Charles why this was, and had received quite an answer, “Peter, these men took the same vows I took. These men serve our Lord and King, the same as you and I. That is why they are my friends. Because in our hearts we know that we each love the same Lord and people that the others love, therefore we love each other. That makes us closer than friends, it makes us brothers.”

Peter just shook his head, “I mean no disrespect my Lord, but our Lord and King gave you his assignment and then abandoned us, and he hasn’t been seen or heard from since. How in the world can an oath and love for him hold anyone together?” Sir Charles looked as if he’d been thrown up against a wall, and for a moment he just turned away. Peter, instantly regretting his rash statement, tried to apologize, “I didn’t mean that master, I’m sorry.” The knight, looking older than normal, turned and responded in a voice that betrayed the pain he felt from his squire’s words, “Peter, you’ve never met our King, never felt the change that he brings about in your heart and life. He’s fierce and proud, yet gentle and humble. He’s a lover, a judge, a savior, a counselor, a healer, a fighter, a provider, but most of all He’s worthy of all that is good. He’s loves his people without condition. And I’d die ten-thousand deaths before believing that he isn’t working for our good, even as I speak. You will not speak, about our King, in such a way…in my presence again. Do you understand me?” Peter nodded, wondering what kind of a king could inspire knights like these, like Sir Charles, regardless of them seeing or knowing what he wanted. “What a king he must be”, thought Peter. Deciding to return to the rest of the group now, Peter headed over to the fire.

As he sat at a slight distance from the group, Peter started thinking over the mistakes he'd made lately. He realized then that he'd learned more from Sir Charles than he'd thought. For example, Sir Charles had always taught him to acknowledge his mistakes in life, both in practice and in life. He would then say, "If you see your faults and learn from them then the Enemy won't be able to use that weakness against you in the future. Peter chuckled to himself, at least Sir Charles hadn't run him through in any of their sparring lessons. He'd been wrong to challenge Sir Charles and the other knights as well...it wasn't his place...and he knew that. "One day I'll be a man like those knights." said Peter. He knew in his heart that the only permanent mistake he could make in his life was to quit trying...and that wasn't going to happen.

It was quite dark now, and Sir Christopher, the most outgoing and charismatic of their four guests, was sharing stories by the fire light, much to the joy and amusement of his audience. He was currently speaking of the coming of the King and of the Enemy’s betrayal. Peter, smiling at the absurdity of such legends, settled into his spot by the fire and slowly let his exhausted body retire for the night, as the stories of purity and sin were shared by the fire side. Not knowing that this would be the last good night of sleep that he would get for many days….

Where are the tears?

I've never wished I could cry so hard as I wanted to today.

Our director, at Sunnybrook, recently asked for one of us staff members to consider working with DHS part-time during a part of our afternoons, to help build rapport with them. I volunteered, knowing that it would be a chance to learn and that it wouldn't change my hours much. Today was my third time pulling a half-and-half day.

I had one of the DHS workers introduce me to a boy of only 7 years old today, he's going to be one of our kids at Sunnybrook shortly. She asked me to talk to him for awhile while she went to talk to her supervisor, so I did. He seemed timid and afraid of me, so I backed off...realizing that I wasn't doing any good. Finally, after about 20 minutes of sitting there letting him play with his toys, he asked me, "What are you going to do to me?" I responded by telling him that I was here to be his friend and that later I was going to take him to see the family that wanted him to live with them for awhile. He just turned away, I tried to be kind to him, but I knew my chances of being his friend or confidant were slim, so I just sang songs and occasionally smiled, laughed, or congratulated him on something he was doing.

When the Caseworker came back, I asked her if I could see the boy's Psych Eval. She hesitated for a moment, but went to get it for me when I explained that I would end up in the Treatment meeting and filing it at Sunnybrook soon enough.

This boy was one of 5 children in his home. And there was an eleven page section on their history of sexual abuse from their father. With each page the descriptions got worse and worse, and it didn't stop there. The father had not only done terrible and perverted things to all of his children, he had taught the boys to do it to their sisters as well...I've never before hated someone I'd never met before...but I burned as I read on.

I can't understand. I don't want to understand. Their father is in prison now...but in his case, I think death would be too kind. I want to cry. But I can't. I know God can work through anything we go through in life, but why do people have to be like that? I've never hurt so much for a kid I don't even know, and I can't even imagine the life that those kids have lived.

I suppose I might sound ridiculous. And I do realize that I knew what I was getting into when I started this, and I can do it. I just wish they didn't have to take it.

God please be with those children.

Day 40

Read Matthew 16:24-27


Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done.


Are you ready to answer a full call to follow Christ?