No Matter the Cost - I Will Follow the Call

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Wow. God never ceases to well...amaze! I guess that's what He's good at ;) So here comes the thoughts of a mind that is overflowing with...well...thoughts and stuff!

I've been struggling lately with certain areas of my walk with Him, specifically giving Him the time each day. Once I do give Him time I realize how much I needed and how much I love and desire Him...but between myself and Satan...I manage to forget how much I want that time until I cave to God's Spirit asking for my time.

All that said, I have a huge accountability base! My Middle Schoolers! It's funny, most people assume it's our pastors, teachers, leaders, parents, and dearest friends and loved ones that would typically make-up our spiritual accountability. And though almost all of those qualify for me as well...in the end...it's the Middle Schoolers.

You see, sometimes it's the people that we're trying to help that are actually the ones helping us. I love the song I Want to be Just Like You by Phillips, Craig and Dean! I'm not a father, but I love each and every one of these kids as though they were. And I've realized, though I'm willing to let myself down in life (though I shouldn't), I'm not willing to be fake around them. I can fool myself...but I can't...won't fool, trick, lie to, or hurt any of them. It's my job, my mission, my passion and my gift to be who and where I am in each of their lives, and so I have to be honest and genuine, forgiving and forgiven, loved and loving...so that they can see truth lived out in me.

So in reality, by "trying" to "help" those that I feel need to see something lived out. I actually begin to live the way that I'm called to...because I don't want to let them down. So in reality, God uses them to hold me "up" :D

Wow.

Speaking of not being a father...my boss and friend, Matt, is an amazing man, husband, and father! After canoeing all day with the Youth Group, we took an hour break and met back up at the church for Sunday morning setup. He brought Thomas Hewitt, his two year old son.

A couple of things about Thomas Hewitt:

He's a talker, even I can't hold a candle to him. Second, he can run in circles for hours and not grow weary! And finally, like many children, and adults, he's incredibly curious!


Moving forward.

Matt and I had a productive work night, and some amazing time with his son. Needless to say, Thomas wanted to be involved in EVERYTHING! Matt joked about how protective I am...lstm, he's right. It's in my blood to jump towards something that I think could hurt someone...to the point that I should probably "chillax" ;)

But it was a blessing and Thomas likes saying my name, asking me questions, is willing to let me hold him, AND asked me to kiss a hurt nose!!! awwwww! That's my sentimental side coming out. *Manly cough and voice* I mean...aw. ;P


Anyways, so Matt made a comment to me, yesterday, that got me thinking. He was talking about how much he loved Emily and the boys, and then decided to share some words of wisdom that were on his heart.

He told me that though he would NEVER trade his life with Emily and the boys, that he realizes how much he can and did do...and how much others can do for God, especially during the season (however long it may be) that you aren't married. As he put it, "though I'm productive, my primary responsibility is now divided...and rightly so, between my missions and ministry calling and my calling to my family. However, I feel that those who are single should ALWAYS be the more productive in life! What I guess I'm saying is I understand why Paul believed it was better to live the lifestyle that he did...it was because he knew that he had too much to do to commit any more time to another aspect of life that can be had."

I probably wouldn't have given that as much thought as I did if I hadn't already been thinking on God's callings in my life. For starters, I truly don't know, I will go wherever God sends me in regards to a life of singleness or a life shared with the woman that God may have for me.

However, cautiously stated, I'm starting to believe that it may be that God has chosen for me to follow in Paul's footsteps in regards to singleness. Not because I don't desire to be in an amazing relationship...but because I know that I'm capable of being content with that aspect of my life. The romantic at heart in me finds enough true joy and contentment in God's love for me and mine for him that I could/can live that lifestyle and choice to the fullest...if that's what God asked of me. I could and would see singleness as a blessing just as much as I as I see marriage as a blessing! There is beauty in a single life like Mother Teresa's or Jesus'. Just as there is beauty in a married life like Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy, my parents, or even my soon to be married friends :D

Random? Not really. In the past, thoughts like this came from a hurt or broken heart, not from prayer and leadings. And as I said, I honestly don't know what God's will is...as far as my singleness and the future goes. But it seems God keeps bringing this topic up around me...without me seeking it out. So, a short time ago, I asked Him NOT to ask me to live a life of singleness. Lstm, I kept going by explaining to Him that in my defense I would do a better job than enough of the husbands and fathers out there that it would be worth it! :) Lol, then I realized what I had done. I had something in my life that I didn't want to give to Him....

It was time for me to see the blessing, the gift, and the chance of where I am currently. Just as those that aren't single have a chance to see the blessing, gift, and chance that they have where they are as well! Regardless, It was time for me to let go of what I couldn't give up.

And now I have. That's the real reason that it became a thought process...and finally a decision to live to the fullest in either route. That and that just like Paul, if I maintained the things I feel called to, if I follow God's current leadings, I would make a horrible boyfriend, fiance or husband...not for lack of caring or heart...but for lack of well...me.

Another barrier comes crashing down. I'm willing and ready now. For whatever God wants to do next. If it hurts, then it's for a purpose. If it's gentle then it's for a purpose. If it makes sense or completely goes against all logic...it's still for a purpose. There's not much left that He hasn't torn down and started to rebuild, and I pray that don't ever forget where my strength comes from! Prayer groups are in full session! My God, my family, my friends, my "kids" for lack of a better term, are my reason! "And I will live to carry His compassion..."




He paid the Price. Now we live in Christ.