I Make War

Everything

Honestly, I've been keeping Him at a distance...because I wanted to avoid the path that I know I have to take. But I'm hurting, hurting alot tonight...I'm hurting because I just remembered why I want, pray, desire and seek to be in love with my savior...

Because while I've been sitting here hiding in my sin, He's been pulling me out of the junk that is my life...taking my punishment and pain and forgiving me as I sin. Enough. I'm fighting off apathy again, I'm standing even if it cuts deep...my savior died for me. And He loves me, oh how He loves me...why do I keep hurting Him and justifying it? Break this cold, dark and evil heart until all I have is love. Keep on breaking me. Don't quit. Don't give up on me Father, whatever pain I must take...break my sinning heart....

Remolding

Broken. A desire that my physical body has taken to faster than my spirit has. I broke my arm last night while playing with some of the Middle Schoolers. I spent most of my night trying to find a position that didn't put any pressure on it. I took prescription pain medicine last night but it's causing me to throw up and I've started running a fever...blah.

However, I have to admit, I find a good bit of humor in this situation (After all...I broke my elbow not my "funny" bone ;)

The humor comes from the fact that earlier this year I was praying for God to break me until I was solely dependent on Him. I realized about a week ago that though He got through to me through those moments...that He's going to have to keep going....

And now I'm physically broken somewhere, it's ironic :)

And it forced me to go to the doctor today...just like our spiritual brokenness should cause us to go to, our spiritual healer, Jesus Christ.

So as I thought on the fact that I'm now one-handed I realized...that's a good 5 out of ten fingers! And 5 fingers is an awful lot more than 0! :D

I think God can use the fact that I'm physically dependent in some ways that I haven't been...to remind me to be spiritually dependent in some of the ways that I haven't been as well.

So as I laugh about the irony of praying to be broken, I realize that I still drastically need God to conquer every part of my being...with it's permission or with it's full defeat and utter brokenness.

May Your power fall, may Your voice be heard, come and change my heart as I stand on Your word...Holy Spirit Reign Down.....

What Do I Know Of Holy?

I want to truly fear God. I need to truly fear Him. My mission trip to the Dominican Republic didn't add anything to what God has already been speaking to me, but it definitely made many things in my life more obvious. Such as my lack of fear in a God who I can't even comprehend.


A friend of mine introduced me to this song when I was sharing my heart. I think this is my prayer now....

Let's Do This!

Captain's Log - Stardate 7310

I embark upon my mission to D.R. in 2 hours and 37 minutes.

My day started as a bit of a struggle, but the Supreme Commander put many of his finest on the task of preparing my heart for the coming voyage.

I was reminded by 5 of His saints that I was valued and capable, something that I wasn't feeling at the time...the leader of the Deaomon people has held nothing back in his assaults, not that I'm complaining mind you, I'll stand with the Supreme Commander anyday!

Captain Daniel C. Wilson

Out.


I'm ready.

I'm tired.

I'm ready to not be tired.

I've chosen to face Satan, and it's been a rough ride, I'm weaker than I thought.

This is a good thing. Maybe I'll learn to trust in God's strength more.

I got 3 incredibly special texts from friends tonight. And I had many others remind me that they cared and believed in me. God has never stopped teaching me that my strength can't come from within...it comes from without.

Don't get me wrong, I believe we all have inner strength, but it's only by the strength of God and His strength through those that love Him that we can continuously go strong.

As I go to show the love of God to the people of the Dominican Republic, I remember that He first showed His love for me...and still does...every day of my life!

He died for me. Now I live for Him.