Diversity

To make up for my sappy poem, I'm going to go a different route tonight. Visualize with me please.

I wake up in a reality where the temperature is subzero.
Not so bad. Except I'm sitting at a round table outside of a coffee shop....

Wait. I know what you're thinking: "There's nothing wrong with sitting at a table outside of a coffee shop!"

Fair enough. However, my argument would be that it depends on the company that's with you. For example, in my case, try sitting to the left of a gorilla. Did I mention that the gorilla is constantly talking through a CB radio, while shouting out pizza toppings with clenched jaw?

To the right of this gorilla sits Elmer Fudd. As if having Elmer Fudd sitting next to a gorilla isn't weird enough, Elmer Fudd is also speaking in a french accent AND constantly accusing people of stealing HER lucky charms. She also laughs hysterically while then telling everyone immediately afterwards, "That's not funny."

Sitting to the right of the Elmer Fudd Is the Bowing Chinaman, he is speaking in rhymes and coughing all the tymes. Not too odd, right? Did I mention that he can't bend his elbows at all? On top of that he likes ringing a bell, similar to the ones that are in the hotels in the movies. (This is important future info.)

Moving on.

To the right of the Bowing Chinaman sits the Wicked Witch. The wicked witch has been cursed and must repeat the last word of every sentence that HE speaks. The poor fellow also has a cold and is constantly sneezing. The "real" interesting thing about the Wicked Witch is that he is in love, and cries (and sneezes of course) whenever a bell is rung....

That's right, you heard me. He's in love with the pirate to his right. There's a slight problem with his love for her. Just like her lover, she too has been cursed. Whenever the bell on the table is rung (generally the Chinaman's doing)the pirate must profess her undying love for the "ringer" of said bell. Meanwhile her lover cries to the same bell...it's almost...odd.

Oh I almost forgot - The Pirate, while speaking in her pirate accent, has to make hand symbols to explain EVERYTHING she says. And can't hear the name of any food item without saying, "That sounds delicious!"

To the witch's right sits my friend Andrew Collier. If you've ever met Andrew you know he's a little odd...

Tonight he's a little "weirder" than normal. He can't take his hands off his head and is forced to constantly quote television adds. He's had one of his dreams come true though...the girl to his right sways at every word he says (literally). Ironically, he has to copy EVERY move she makes.

?!?!? - I know.

In semi-layman's terms. He talks = She sways. She sways = He sways. He talks = He sways. We good now? Good!

Oh, and he thinks that everyone at the table is a cannibal...which is ridiculous thing to believe....

The girl to his right, who I already mentioned, is the girl to my left.

The circle is almost complete.

She sways at Andrew's every word, duh. But also can't tell the truth, every word must be a lie. At least in the beginning. You're still tracking with me right? So, our Lady Liar is also part Werewolf and howls whenever the Chinaman rings the accursed bell. Otherwise, she's quite normal.

And then there's me.

I'm the only one at the table that seems normal. Just a typical Drill Sergeant, imitating Scooby Doo. Admittedly, the fact I quote wise proverbs with my tongue bit (while shouting with R's in the front of my words) is "slightly" odd to a few of the more conservative people at my school. Oh well.

Fortunately, I didn't pick up my air guitar until after I was forced to make chicken noises and give up the use of my fingers.



I found myself wondering. Is this what being on drugs is like? Or perhaps this is a similar group of individuals to the Knights of the Round Table. After all, would that be "so" much of a stretch?

"Rokey Rokey Riends! *ruck ruck* Rats renough rinformation ror run right! Ralk ru rou rater...ROU RAGGGOTS...RGET RACK RIN RINE ROW!!!!" ROOD RIGHT RAGAIN!