Gym Thoughts

I'm sitting in the gym of my church, in a small sound booth as Thousand Foot Crutch and the sound of dodgeball fill my head.

I've been thinking about how easy/difficult it can be to keep my composure in different situations and environments.

I guess what I'm saying is this:

What distracts us from God and what helps us focus on Him?

There's a difference in us. Right? We are supposed to be set apart right? I hope we can show that daily.

Switching gears.

Come Saturday, I'm a college graduate. I can't even begin to express the feelings and thoughts that go through my head. So I guess, for the moment, I won't. Though I will say...I'm not who I was when I started college. Lstm, actually I'm not even who I was 3 months ago. I'm not really that sure of anything in my future, but I'm willing to trust Him with everything.

Everything in my life, beauty and shame, laughter and tears, pain and healing...it is part of a bigger picture. A bigger painting. And I'm okay with that :) Cause I've seen the previous masterpieces created by this Artist, and that's all I've needed to see to believe.

He's the only one that won't let me down. He's the only one that won't let you down.

A Boy

It's difficult to type out anything, on here, that I consider personal, unless it's about God (and not myself). However, I think that it's important to own who we've been and who we are...and even who we are becoming.

I was walking at the park today, and while there I started thinking about how different my perspective is from what it was...even as recently as a month back.

My whole life I've spent running from who I was, because I didn't like the "me" that lived in the mirror.

What kind of reflection did I see?

A boy that needed to be affirmed constantly to feel like he was worth anything to anybody.

A boy that could tell a lie about the smallest of things, without hesitating.

A boy that knew that he could not measure up to what was expected of him.

A boy who hated the thoughts that ran through his dark mind.

A boy that thought he was better than everyone else.

A boy that knew that his way of thinking was the only right way.

A boy that was scared of the dark.

A boy that knew he'd always be rejected by the ones he loved.

A boy that knew how to manipulate to get what he wanted.

A boy that knew he would never be physically strong or handsome.

A boy that hurt when others got upset with him.

A boy that was tired of being seen as the spoilsport.

A boy that knew he was too emotional.

A boy that knew he thought too much.

A boy that knew he talked too much.

A boy that was tired of being seen as the goodie-goodie.

A boy that also afraid of not being seen as the goodie-goodie.

A boy that knew that the only way to see things was through extremes.

A boy that knew he was too afraid of letting anyone know his heart.

A boy that knew his desires made him a bad person.

A boy that knew he couldn't take his own medicine.

A boy that was tired of people misunderstanding him.

A boy that knew he always made stupid jokes that people laughed at him.

A boy that knew he was probably being treated with pity or gossip.

A boy that felt like he was missing out, that he was an outcast.

A boy that knew he always over-thought and over-analyzed.

A boy that was tired of finishing last place.

A boy that was tired of trying, when he knew that it didn't matter.

A boy that knew he talked-the-talk, but didn't walk-the-walk.

A boy that didn't understand why people told him he was "queer".

A boy that wanted friends that didn't only talk to him when they needed something.

A boy that wanted to cry, but was told that real men don't.

A boy that wanted to vent, but felt that it just bothered the people who listened.

A boy that seemed so sure of everything, but on the inside was falling apart.

A boy that knew he hurt others by accident, all the time.

A boy that wanted to tell the truth, but was too scared to do so.

A boy that wanted to dream, but dwelled on reality.

A boy that wanted to be forgiven for everything he'd ever done....


The last one happened.

As my life has progressed, many of these have been covered by the blood forever. Many others seem just as prevalent as they did when I first believed or thought them. Some are the lies that Satan fed me. Some are truths that have been washed clean. Regardless, I'm learned to see beauty in Him that came to free me from all of these things and more. I was/am a failure in all the ways that count, but God uses those failures for His glory. In my weakness, He is strong.

My Past can't rule me. My Present can't rule me. My Future can't rule me. Not as long as this boy gives the rulership of this life to his Savior, his Christ, his King.

The 6 Men and the Elephant

"It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind

The First approached the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
"God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a wall!"

The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, "Ho! what have we here
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me 'tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a spear!"

The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up and spake:
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a snake!"

The Fourth reached out an eager hand,
And felt about the knee.
"What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain," quoth he;
" 'Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a tree!"

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: "E'en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a fan!"

The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Than, seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a rope!"

And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!

Moral:
So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has actually seen!"

Guilty

I'm guilty of Infatuation - You're always on my mind.
I'm guilty by Association - In You, my peace I find.
I'm guilty of Forgiving - As You have forgiven me.
I'm guilty of Escaping - It's You who set me free.
I'm guilty of Forgetting - You remind me every day.
I'm guilty of every sin - Yet You've washed all away.


I'm guilty of falling in love with You. I can't fight this feeling within. You've broken me once, You've broken me twice, won't you break me again and again?

I never want to lose sight of the things that You've done to help me see. I'm willing to live, to die, to laugh, to cry, to follow, or to lead...as long as whatever befalls, You'll take my hand and walk with me.

"Jesus, Jesus. The sweetest name I know...."

When I See

A man walked slowly through the streets of Jerusalem, passing by a few vendors and a couple of roman sentries. Eventually, he stopped in front of one of the buildings on the outskirts of the city, climbing up a staircase that lead to the second floor.

He knocked on the door of the upper room with the secret knock. It was immediately opened. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. He was suddenly surrounded by his friends who were all talking at once. It was impossible to understand any of them!

"Thomas! Thomas! What Mary said was true. He is alive!" Shouted James.

"Thomas, we've seen Him!" Shouted the other son of thunder above the commotion.

Thomas, trying to comprehend, waved his hands, "Shhhh! I can't listen to you all at once! Peter, what has happened?"

"Thomas, we saw Jesus. He stood right here in this room with us, he was standing almost exactly where you are! He talked to us."

Thomas frowned, had all of his friends lost their minds? "Peter, all of us have been under a lot of stress. And I know that you haven't slept since Jesus died. You must be imagining things."

Matthew spoke up, "So you're saying that you believe that all of us imagined the same thing at the same time? You sound crazier than we do! He walked right through that locked door."

"He walked right through the locked door?" Thomas asked.

Everyone nodded.

God, they've lost it....

"Well..." Said Thomas said hesitantly. "Maybe it was a spirit."

Peter was still bubbling over with enthusiasm, "Thomas, I know I saw Him! I saw my Master, our Master! For crying out loud, I denied Him three times, something I will never forget...do you think I wouldn't recognize Him???"

Mary spoke up, "Oh, Thomas, if you'd have been here you'd know it was Him."

Thomas shook his head. "Did any of you touch Him? No. Then you can't know whether or not it was just a spirit or something else entirely. Believe what you want. But unless I see the nail marks in His hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into His side, I cannot believe it."

A week later, while Thomas was gathered with the rest of the disciples in the house with the doors locked. Suddenly Jesus came and stood among them and said,"Peace to you!"

Jesus focused His attention on Thomas. "Take your finger and examine My hands. Take your hand and stick it in My side. Don't be unbelieving. Believe."

Thomas fell to his knees. He didn't have to touch the wounds. He knew it was Jesus. He cried out, "My Master! My God!"

Jesus smiled, "So, you believe because you've seen with your own eyes. Good! But better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing."

I will never doubt again my Master, my Lord, My Savior. I just needed to know, I needed to feel your presence. Now I can take on Satan himself...as long as you are with me.

I am with you always. Even to the end of the age.

Later, when the disciples traveled throughout the known world to preach the Gospel, Thomas was chosen to go to India and North Africa. Although he dreaded living among these savage tribes, God strengthened him, and he was able to convert many in these countries.

Around 70 AD, he went to Calamina, India, where the people worshiped an image of the sun. Through the power of God, Thomas destroyed the image and put a stop to their idolatry.

The sun god's priests were furious. They accused him before their king, who sentenced him to be tortured with red-hot metal plates and then thrown into a gleaming furnace.

To the amazement of all, the fire did not hurt Thomas - he was still alive in the midst of the furnace! When the priests saw this, they were so angry, they threw spears and javelins into the furnace at him. One of the spears pierced his side. He fell there dead. But we know that's not the end of this story...there is one more important detail:

He has Overcome the Grave! Where oh death is now thy sting?

“You will never know how much you believe something until it is a matter of life and death.” C.S. Lewis