Choices

I always act on impulse. Though I wish I controlled my emotions better than I do, I'm coming to learn that it's just a part of who I am. Looking back on the choices I've made, there are few things that I regret having done. I think.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is: Life keeps on coming, and all I know how to do is keep doing what I always do...be myself. Here's believing that one day it will pay off. Amen.

After my heart

When I think of David, I think: shepherd, poet, giant-killer, ancestor of Jesus--in short, one of the greatest men in the Old Testament. But alongside that list stands another: liar, betrayer, adulterer, murderer. I guess the first list is a list of qualities I would like to have; the second, qualities that might be true of any one of us. Yet even after his failures, God called David a "Man after My heart". It seems David learned from his sins, was genuinely repentant, and accepted the consequences and suffering that came with them.

I say this to remind myself that perhaps, I can also learn from my failures, my sins, and become a man that, above all things, seeks the heart of God.

Life and stuff

I'm in my office with Josh O'Neal, Dr. Pepper, and my calendar...that's my life. I guess I need to find a life outside this place...

The Loan

Cooper enjoyed the walk, even though there were so many other things to do. The wind was a gentle whisper in the night. The light from the lampposts and full moon was still more than enough for him to see by. As he glanced around he realized that he was the only one still walking. Looking at his watch, he realized that it was almost eleven. "Why was he still here? And why won't this spectrum of emotions leave me alone?" These were the questions that turned in his mind, as though caught in a giant whirlpool. Deep down he wanted to run. Deep down he was strained, but he had learned to get by this long by maintaining composure. "Why quit now?"

"Is that the way it's going to be then?" He knew how to escape the pain, he'd done it all his life. He ran. His surroundings were speeding by, the sound of his thoughts was drowning out everything. Everything but his beating heart. Still he ran. The thoughts were getting worse, but he kept trying to fight it off...

"And yet...it wasn't fair. This spectrum was so...Good yet bad, hopeful yet depressing, comical yet serious, young yet old, right yet wrong...what on earth!?!?" so real. Cooper finally voicing what he'd been thinking, "It's not fair that I feel this, it's my life after al..." His words trailing off mid sentence. And then he knew...It wasn't his life. It wasn't his money. It wasn't his time. It wasn't his energy. It wasn't his choice. It wasn't his way. "It's not my life, it's His." Period.


To live is to die, and to die is to live. To gain is to lose and to lose is to gain. The Truth is contradiction, and yet contradiction is the Truth.

The Lord is my shepherd

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not flunk;
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying.
He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break.
He restoreth my faith in study guides.
He leads me to better study habits
For my grade's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades, I will not have a nervous breakdown
For Thou art with me.
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me.
Thou givest me answers in moments of blankness;
Thou anointest my head with understanding.
My test paper runneth over with questions I recognize.
Surely passing grades and flying colors shall follow me
All the days of my examination,
And I shall not have to dwell in this university forever,
AMEN

*Sent to me by my friends Betty and Liz last semester, and QUITE worthy of spreading!*