I will bring Praise!

Desert Song. That's the song that has been running through my head ever since this morning.

"...I will bring praise, I will bring praise, no weapon formed against me shall remain!"

I've never had so much inner peace as I've had since Fort Worth.

The inner peace comes when something else is traded for it though...my desire to be in control. Something I could never bring myself to give up. And then it clicked! All I had to do was realize that it took MORE control to not be in control than I had in being in control did.

A paradox. My favorites :)

If you've ever wondered why I adamantly believe in God with every fiber of my being...it's seriously because of His incredible use of paradoxes and constant confusion that He leads me through. Only God Himself could and would exist in such a way as to turn my world upside-down...and make me realize something about that upside-down world...I never really cared for it at all, all I ever wanted was Him. It made too much sense, and I've never looked back. Besides, I realized at the time, if I can understand God's perspective...then God is not really God anyway, is He?

My thoughts are not your thoughts. My ways are not your ways.

I wanted to save the world. I couldn't. I wanted life to be about me. It isn't. I wanted to be physically strong. It wasn't me. I wanted to be the best. I'm not. I wanted to understand. I don't. I wanted to seem wise. Should a truly wise person desire to "appear" wise? No. In the end, everything in my life has always been summed up by two words:

I wanted

Now I want to want Him. Now I'm scared to keep asking Him to take me all the way...but I'm even more afraid not to ask....

God has given me innumerable chances, and keeps on going.

Am I messed up? Yep. Am I ready? Nope. Am I okay with following a God who says: "I'll show you your next steps...but for now...only one step at a time." Why yes, yes I am.

If all I ever had from today on out was all this world could throw...I wouldn't hesitate to still follow You my Lord...where every You ask me, I'll go. For you alone, are my solid ground. My peace is found in You. My Jesus how I trust the peace, for the peace of God stands true!