The Gateway

Pride. The "gateway" sin. Or at least David would believe so by the end of this night:

He wasn't exactly the type of man you would call quick tempered, but unfortunately, too often in his life, he managed to hurt others with his words and deeds. "Why?" he asked himself. He just gotten out of a long argument with his grandfather...an hour long argument about his lifestyle. It didn't matter that he'd followed the laws of the household. What mattered was he didn't live the same life that his family had chosen.

"I won't do this anymore!" he shouted to God. Rationally, he knew that it wasn't God's fault, and deeper still - he knew he had no problem with God. His problem lay with himself.

"No. It's not my fault. You hear me??? He brought it up, he bashed my choices, my life, my beliefs, he all but told me that I need to start over! I won't back down this time! I can't always be the "weakling" or the "coward" or the "good guy"...it's not fair. I don't deserve this again."

He stood waiting.

"Well? Aren't you going to tell me that I'm wrong?" he said sarcastically, hating himself for treating and talking to God the way he was.

"I'm sorry" said David aloud. "Really I am. I didn't mean to be so spiteful and mean, but my prid...."

Pride comes before the fall.

The voice resonated in David's brain. He froze. "Is that you Lord?" he whispered.

Silence was his only response.

And then, he collapsed, exhausted from his fighting, frustration, and pride.



"You will do it more David, you'll do it for as long as you draw breath. Fault doesn't change your reaction - mercy, grace, and forgiveness. And of course it works that way, in My world, my son. Don't you see, you're not a weakling or coward for choosing to fight your Pride and your justifications.

I died for sins I didn't commit. I came in human form, a form I didn't "deserve". I chose to take what was dished - am I weak, afraid, cowardly or wrong? Where were you, my son? Where were you when I created the galaxies, stars, planets, earth, sea, and sky? Where were you? You don't deserve it...you deserve nothing, yet have been given everything. It isn't fair...but you've been given forgiveness for all your sins anyway. You want justification...and you've received justification through the death of my son. Your pride is hurt, what pride? What have you done without me? Name one thing, my son. Name one good thing you've done without MY help? Pride? It is not of Me, toss it aside. Apologize for using your words and actions to tear down. Instead, build up others. And take all that is given as your lot. Not because you're a nobody...but because you're MY child...a child of a King, God, and savior...that was the servant of all. Can you follow Me, my child. I'll give you the strength for today."

David woke from his dream in a cold sweat. It was the middle of the night, but sleep had been eluding him...he knew why too....

He had known that he had no right to react the way he did, but it was so easy to not want to care. Unfortunately, he wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight until he'd taken this to his Savior. He knew that it was already forgiven, but the cause of the problem hadn't been taken. Like pulling out the weed, but leaving the roots...if he was going to live the life that he'd been called to live - he couldn't let any pride, frustration, or selfishness live. It was time to die again. Every day, the call to die to himself must be answered. Every day, Jesus must become his reason, his strength, his role-model.

David stepped out of bed and got to his knees, "Jesus, I'm sorry. So sorry. Of anybody, you're the one I hurt the most.... You're right, I don't have the "right" to let anything phase me. I haven't been tortured and killed for sins that I didn't commit...only You Lord. Only You. I know that I'm washed white as snow, but help me to live it out in my daily walk with you. Give me a strength that doesn't exist in me otherwise. Give me love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. For against these things, you've told me, there is no law. I love you Lord. Let me live it today! I'm a sinner, saved and striving for Your will. Thank you. Amen"

David felt peace overtake him for the first time in many hours. He now realized that his dream was much more than it seemed...and knew that he could sleep well - for now his cares and life were back where they belonged...in the arms of his Father. He love on his grandfather more tomorrow, now that he could face his pride and cast it away. "Goodnight Pride, I won't be seeing you tomorrow." David smiled at the thought, as he slowly faded into a restful and meaningful sleep. He would renew himself day by day. If his calling was till he last drew breath, then he'd fight the good fight...zzzzzzzzz.

After he awoke of course.