My Weakness - Communication aka Justification

I'm tired. And slightly depressed. The depression just kicked in, which means that it's a passing thing...I just need to get my thoughts down on blog. Not the best start to a blog post, but it's when I'm like this that I tend to be more open. Anyways,




I realized today just how much of a difference communication truly makes in each of my friendships.

Normally I wouldn't think too deeply into how I communicate with each of my friends, but after having one of my good friends explain some difficult and personal things that were on her mind today...I realized just how much it meant to me that she did that. But even more so, I realized how afraid I normally am to be honest with my friends about their actions....

I'm downright cowardly when it comes to telling someone that they bothered me, or asking if I bothered them. Instead, I just convince myself that it's in my head...because I don't want to deal with the consequences. I feel like the cowardly lion sometimes.

There are exceptions.


Collier, can I use you as an example? *makes phone call to confirm* Thanks good sir!!!


Andrew Collier is a great example of this in my life.



At some point, over the years, I let my guard down around Andrew. I think I started to let him in because I knew he cared about me as a person. But it wasn't long after we became friends that he would do things that bugged me, multiple things. And vice-versa. I would do things that bugged him, multiple things....

I can't remember, in the beginning of our friendship, if I chose not to tell him when he frustrated me or not...but I surely tell him now. Sometimes he's in the wrong, sometimes I am...regardless I've learned that I sleep easier at night and feel better if I just tell him that something was bothering me. And no matter how trivial or important...because we're brothers in Christ we always come back to our focal points. I think I can speak for him and say that he feels the same way.

He's not the only friend I can do this with, in fact, lately I've tried to be this way with almost all of my friends. It's just that he's a great example of a friend that challenges me, irritates me, encourages me, helps me to grow farther in my walk with Christ, and in the end I wouldn't trade for the world. Why? Because we can say what we mean without bottling it up, it's not a one-sided friendship or stream of communication, AND we still have each others backs when it's all said and done. Andrew, thank you for trusting me enough to let me take what you can dish. And for letting me do the same to you ;)

"Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God." ~Philippians 1:3


I have a handful of friends that are similar, some of you are the ones reading this post, the ones that I can just be myself around, knowing that if I do something that you don't like that let me know. Others, maybe not, but I hope that's a time thing, not a "me" thing. But in general, I don't treat people the way I treat Andrew, I just bottle the little things and never mention how they affect me. I don't think this is always wrong, but I feel that it causes me to treat too many of my friends distantly...due to quirks or actions that I haven't told them get to me.

And now we come to those who I can't tell that I'm frustrated with their actions:

Those that would rather drop a friendship than face a challenge.

If you're reading this blog, the you're NOT that type of personality (in my eyes anyway...trust me I looked over the list of you ;) ...because you cared enough to get this far down ;)


But over the years, it seems the people that I'm not brave or stupid enough to be honest with are always the ones that it, "well it wouldn't matter if I did." Because, in their eyes, I'm not a friendship that worth the negatives....

And honestly, who wants to try to be friends with someone that can't take you at face-value who chooses to see everything you do as a negative? If all of my actions, even ones meant to encourage or ask for another hangout session, are met with disdain, frustration, or irritation...I can only change if I'm given the chance and trusted with that annoyance.


Anyways...sorry for the tangent...the person that comes to my mind is in another state now...but it sometimes, like today, I still reminisce.


My dad asked me, a couple of hours ago, about an old friend of mind that I used to spend time with. This was actually the driving thought of this post and the reason I decided to blog.

I haven't spoken to him in years. Which my dad thought was odd, especially since we were best friends for 2 years. He said, "I thought you try to maintain your friendships..."

I stated earlier that I try to tell almost everyone in my life if/when they did/do something that I wish they hadn't (at least the people that care about me).

But I've realized that sometimes I have friends that can't/won't take me for who I am. Whatever the reason...I come across wrong, God-willing it was a mistake. But regardless, it doesn't matter whether I try to show that I care or that I'm willing to make the effort/apology on my end. In the end, a friendship is always a two-way street. And as time goes on, these type of "friendships" are solely dependent on a particular need or perhaps a courtesy call and nothing more.

That's what my friend and I became. This was a good ten years ago, btw. I would try to keep in contact, but he didn't. I learned later that it was because I was always asking to come to his house, but never offered my house.....

Finally, one day, he had had enough and only responded to me if I had a direct question or if he wanted to borrow something. Don't get me wrong, he didn't hate me, he just saw me the way he wanted to see me...something I think we can all be guilty of if we're not careful.


He wasn't wrong. But he wasn't right either...he only saw what he wanted to see in me. Perhaps I did the same to him too. It's so easy for us to decide what someone is "worth" to us...and whether they are worth it. I'm glad God doesn't treat me the way I treat others.

Oops..back on topic:

I started to realize that things were off, but not wanting to upset him, I chose to "assume" that he would tell me that I came across a certain way...he did. 4 years later. When I asked him in passing...during a random meeting at a deli...he told me how he'd felt at the time.

The worst part?

The reason I never invited him over was because I was embarrassed by how little we had to do at my house...and I didn't want him to think we were boring. But because we never communicated our frustrations and thoughts, boredom was no longer a primary concern. Our friendship had paid the price of our stubbornness and need to feel justified in our emotions. Pride. My biggest weakness. And the cause of so many other mistakes I make.


To this day, I wish I had asked him if I had done something wrong. To this day, I wish he had told me each and every time and thing that I did to frustrate him.

It may not have made a difference. I know I can care for someone I see as a friend and still not have them care enough to maintain it. Not out of meanness, simply because they already have what they're looking for in a different set of friends and family. However, if I lose a friend because they don't like me...so be it.

But I no longer want to lose a friend that cares about me...simply because I bottled up something that they did to irritate me. I suppose this means I need to be even more transparent....... *sigh* It seems that every time God teaches me something, it means getting even MORE uncomfortable.... Yet, just like a blacksmith uses fire to refine. I'm seeing how many of my friendships have been refined through the bad and good times! If fire is what it takes...."Burn us up oh King! Won't you burn us up?"

So, I'll try to be better about the frustrations that I have, in love, not anger. And if I fail, hold me accountable, please.

God is God. And His will shall be done. And as Sam Chambers wished me a Happy Father's day a few minutes ago, I shall do the same for each of you! Happy Father's day! May we live it trusting, accepting, understanding and loving each other.

We have one life to live, and much to tolerate and forgive.

Yes I rhymed, I like words that are well-timed. :)