Scared

I realized this morning when I woke up, that I'm scared. I'm not scared of what God's doing in my life, I'm scared because I don't know how to be the person I'm supposed to be. I feel like I'm being trusted with things far too important and special to trust me with. I found myself just wanting out.

I was driving down the Trace the other night. A deer ran across the wet roads, and the car in the other lane veered into my lane. I tried to break, but my breaks locked...I barely dodged the car and went off the side of the road. I was stuck there for about ten minutes, about as shaken up as I've been in awhile. I was scared. I was glad nobody was with me, but all I could think about was the fact that I shouldn't be so scared. I don't fear death, I think. I fear not doing all the things I'm supposed to do. Regardless, after taking some time in prayer, and just sitting for awhile, I realized how good God had been in that situation...in all situations. But it bothered me how easily I feared, when instead I wanted to laugh it off and know that God is in control.

I'm just...I'm still a little kid. Scared of things that shouldn't scare me. Scared because I know that God is ready, but that I'm not. That's why I'm scared. I shouldn't be, I know this, but I am.


Courage is doing what's right
Without being backing down
Courage is facing your fears
Not hiding your face in the ground

Courage is knowing you are afraid
And still staying the course
Courage is knowing you can lose
But refusing to do what's worst

Courage is knowing that God is God
He won't give more that I can bear
Courage is the pain that my fear bring
But knowing that God is always there

Courage is feeling all my pain
Not hiding it all inside
Courage is choosing to embrace my pain
Not accepting worse and pain besides

Courage is not waiting till I'm certain
For certain I shall never be
Courage is acting when it feels right
And praying that God will help me see

Courage is all the times I'm scared
But chose to ignore my fear and move
Courage is all the times I doubt myself
Yet believe in the greater truth

Courage isn't always a roar
Sometimes it's the daily choice I make
Courage isn't what I have
It's what I have to earn and take

Courage is me admitting that I'm lost
And asking for some strength and help
Courage is being scared of where I am
Yet believing God can still grow all that's in my self.

I know that fear is not a bad thing in itself, and I'm not worried that I can't handle the path I'm on. I just needed to get this off my chest, and I haven't really felt like calling anyone and venting would be the way to go about it. So smile with me instead...fears or no...it's full steam ahead!